Heroes and Friends

by calliopes_muse

A/N: This fic picks up right around the events of the "no more waiting" gazebo convo, Bauer BBQ, and Nat's disappearance, and then completely becomes it's own little world. 

Thanks to Ndasky for giving me an idea for the title. Actually, I swiped it from a Melissa Etheridge song.

Chapter 1

The last couple of weeks had been more than a little draining for both Olivia and Natalia. Just when Olivia was ready to give up and content herself with a life of celibacy while continuing to yearn for Natalia, she heard the words she never thought she'd hear. It will , Natalia had said. It will happen…sex. Simply remembering the moment sent emotional shockwaves through Olivia and she audibly moaned as she struggled over the monthly budget reports in front of her. She pushed the paperwork aside unable to focus any longer. All she could think about was Natalia and what she wanted with Natalia…all of the experiences and joy she wanted to give her, the life she wanted to share with her. Olivia sighed at the mental images in her head. Admittedly, she was scared, terrified even, but the wondering was over. Natalia was just as scared but ready to finally cross that final hurdle. They were on the same page and wanted the same thing. Olivia had been ecstatic to know all of the truth between them was finally out in the open.

Of course, since her life always seemed to follow a predictable yet chaotic order, she still looked over her shoulder once in a while for the inevitable next falling shoe to come flying at her head instead.

That day Rafe went off on Natalia and pointed an accusing finger at her, she had wanted to smack him. Six months ago, she would have. Olivia saw herself as kind of an ask-for-forgiveness-first-not-permission type of girl so she would have gladly yanked the arrogance right of Raphael Rivera's ass then begged Natalia's forgiveness for her not-so-accidental oopsie. But not now…oh no, now Olivia was patient, understanding, even tolerant of the multitude of speedbumps and roadblocks put in her and Natalia's path. For crying out loud, she even talked to Phillip and didn't have an urge to kill him singlehandedly! What the hell had Natalia done to her?

Olivia tried to remind herself that Rafe was only a teenager, and he'd just learned some shocking news about his mom. It didn't stop her from wanting to throttle him. The pain in Natalia's gentle brown eyes when Emma asked to sing happy birthday to an absent Rafe was almost more than Olivia could stand. All she wanted was to take the other woman into her arms and make all the pain and hurt go away, but they were stuck by the limits they'd put on themselves. They sat in the kitchen with Emma and were unable to speak freely or reach out to each other because they hadn't been completely honest. Olivia knew that Emma would have to be told about them, but after seeing what Natalia was going through with Rafe, she feared having that blow up in their faces too. She wasn't sure if Natalia could handle one more set back. She knew Natalia was strong, but everyone has a breaking point. So, Olivia set her mind to simply wait out the situation. Hopefully, with a little time, Rafe would come around and then they could deal with Emma.

Baby steps, she told herself. Baby steps.

*******

Olivia and Emma hopped out the car and started pulling out supplies for Emma's community project to plant new flowers in the park. The small and secluded park was a local favorite especially for couples who wanted some privacy. She bought some daisies, soil, gloves, and a small garden shovel. Emma walked ahead carrying a crate of daisies and set them down with a huff on the ground.

“Aw, come on, Bean! You can't be tired yet!”

Emma flopped out on the ground, moaning in agony, and Olivia laughed at her daughter's antics.

“I just don't think I can lift another thing, Mom.”

Olivia walked up on her knees to the spot where they would start the planting, “Tell ya what, I'll get the holes dug and you can help put them in the ground. How about that?”

Emma nodded enthusiastically, “Okay.”

Olivia had only dug one hole when her phone rang. When she saw it was Natalia, she scrambled to get the glove off in time to get to the phone.

“Hey! What's my two favorite girls doing?”

Olivia smiled, “Em's community service project. You?”

Olivia could practically hear Nat smiling over the phone, “Well, I do have some good news.”

“Yessss?”

“I got a job.”

Olivia jumped to her feet, “Really?! Oh, that's so wonderful! I'm so happy for you.”

“Yeah, it was easy. You know, I went to Blake to see if she needed any help in her real estate office but since the markets so slow, she didn't have anything, but she's re-starting her publishing business.”

“Oh yeah, I remember her saying something about that. I didn't think she was serious though.”

“Oh, she was serious, and she needs an assistant.” There was a brief pause before an enthusiastic Natalia moved on, “So, I feel like celebrating. Where are you two at? I'll swing by the farmhouse and pick up some sandwiches or something.”

“Mmmm, sounds like a great idea!” Olivia told her where to meet them and then hung up.

At the time, it hadn't occurred to Olivia that people in Springfield would look at them being together as nothing more than crazy circumstances run amok. It wasn't until Natalia sat her down and ran over the laundry list of their lives that she started to see what others must have been seeing: two people thinking they're in love because they had no other choice.

Olivia knew it was absurd. She and Natalia had both been very clear that they were together because they wanted to be, not because they didn't have any other choice. So, when Natalia quit her job, Olivia forced herself to look at the situation as a good thing. They would no longer have any excuses. If they wanted to be together, they'd work to be that way and they'd choose each other even when given other options.

Thirty minutes later, Olivia was finished digging the last row and looked up to see Natalia still in her interview suit, carrying a basket of goodies. Emma raced up to Natalia and threw her arms around her waist.

“Oh lookie, it's Little Red Riding Hood Does Wall Street. You could have changed, you know?” Olivia pulled off her gloves.

Natalia smiled and tilted her head, “Are you kidding? And waste time getting here? I don't think so. Oh, and you still talk funny.”

“What ya got in there?” Liv reached her hand to lift the lid of the basket, but got a smack on the back of the hand for her effort. “Ow!”

“No peeking!” Olivia rolled her eyes.

They sat down inside the gazebo to a nice lunch of ham sandwiches, potato salad, and chips topped off with homemade chocolate chip cookies. Emma downed her food chatting endlessly about a boy at her camp named Robbie then ran back to finish her planting.

“Hey, sweetie, you left your gloves!” Olivia took them out to Emma, and when she got back Natalia was already cleaning up and folding the blanket they had been sitting on. She settled herself on the bench inside the gazebo and smiled at Olivia slowly striding up to the railing. Natalia was munching on the last of the cookies. It must have been her third since getting there. She offered a bite to Olivia, but she shook her head.

“That was really nice. Thank you for lunch.”

Natalia brushed a loose strand of hair back behind Olivia's ear, her smile bright enough to light up all of Springfield, “I can't get over how beautiful you are.”

“That was random but I'll take it,” Olivia reached up to brush a crumb from Natalia's bottom lip and for a moment they felt the undeniable draw between them. “What are you thinking?”

Natalia closed her eyes for a moment, looking over Olivia's shoulder at the little girl who felt like her own daughter working busily in the flower bed. Her stomach twisted in worry.

“We need to tell her…about us.”

Olivia looked back at her daughter, “Yeah, we do, but we're still dealing with all the things with Rafe. Maybe we don't need to take this on too right now. Maybe we need to wait for him to come around more.”

“What if he doesn't, Liv? You're a good mother, and I've messed everything up with Rafe by not being upfront with him from the beginning. I don't want to mess things up with her too. If I lose her…,” the words were left unspoken but Olivia heard them anyway through Natalia's unshed tears.

“It's okay,” Olivia took her hand.

“It's not okay if we do this wrong. She doesn't need to find out the hard way. She needs to hear it from us.”

“Okay, but do you think we need to rush it? We can wait until things settle out.”

Natalia squeezed Olivia's hand and slid in a little closer to her, her voice soft yet determined, “That's just it. I don't want to wait…not anymore. I want this and I want you, but if we wait for everyone to be okay with us and for the perfect time or perfect place or for our lives to not be chaotic, we may be waiting forever. And I don't want that. I'm ready.”

Olivia felt her heart tumble and trip, just like her tongue, “So…um…does that,” she swallowed, “does that mean what I think it means?”

When Natalia's eyes drifted down to her lips and stayed there, and her own parted slightly, Olivia knew the answer to her own question, “Yes.”

“Yes?” Natalia bit her lip, unable to break her gaze from Olivia's mouth.

“Let's just say that if Emma wasn't only a few feet away that we'd be kissing right now.”

Olivia felt herself shudder at the thought, and then she smirked, “Well, I could take care of that. I could call Jane, have her take Em to the movies or something.”

“You could and then we could spend the whole night making out on the couch like a couple of teenagers, but there's only one little problem with that.”

Olivia chuckled, “Which is?”

Natalia's voice and her words hit Olivia low, “That I'm not going to want to stop with a kiss. I want more.”

“That's not a problem. That's a good thing.”

“It is when we haven't told Emma,” Olivia sobered immediately, “I want to do this right with her. We tell her, then we move forward.”

Olivia studied the small hand in her own, “Okay.”

************

When Emma had finished planting the flowers, she ran over to her mom and Natalia, “Can we go to the farmhouse to see the ducks? I miss them. Last time I was there, Daffy seemed sad. I think he misses me.”

Olivia's heart clenched at Emma's words. She hated that Emma was pulled away from the farmhouse because of her issues with Natalia, “I think that's up to Natalia.”

“Are you kidding? You don't have to ask. I even have some old bread you can feed them.” Emma jumped up and down, clapping her hands, making both women laugh.

When they got back to the farmhouse, Natalia got the bread for Emma and they sat on the bench watching as she ran off to the lake.

“So, when are we going to do this with her?” Olivia asked. Natalia was ready so the ball was in her court on the time table.

“Well, I had a thought actually. Um, well, you know the big Bauer barbeque is coming up for the 4 th , right?”

Olivia looked at her confused, “Yeah, but what does that have to do with this?”

“I want us to go.”

Olivia shrugged, not seeing the issue, “Okay.”

“As a couple,” Natalia leveled a look at her and then looked back at Emma, “and as a family.”

“Are you sure?”

Natalia swallowed and looked back at her, the determination in her eyes humbling Olivia, “Absolutely. It's time we took charge of this situation and made it clear what's going on. I'm not afraid of what people think, but I am tired of them assuming the wrong thing. You know how I am about perceptions and I want everyone to get the right message…from us. And maybe then Matt will stop hitting on both of us!”

They both laughed at the situation. Olivia slowly stopped laughing and looked at the beautiful woman who had swept in under such extraordinary and unlikely circumstances and stole her heart. She was the bravest person she'd ever known and she felt honored to stand by her side through this. She had been chosen by Natalia Rivera, and not just chosen as a bedmate, which she could have had with anyone, but as the person to face the world with – her partner and mate for life. Olivia's heart leapt at the emotion that coursed through her, and she fought to keep the tears at bay.

Instead she reached over and took Natalia's hand in her own, intertwining their fingers, “If you're ready, I'm ready, and I'll stand right beside you all the way.”

Natalia leaned over and gently brushed her lips against Olivia's cheek, “I love you.”

Olivia blushed at the tender gesture, her heart swelling at the emotion behind it. Natalia moved to stand, “Do you want something to…” Natalia swayed unsteadily on her feet and Olivia reached for her, grabbing her hand before she stumbled down the steps.

“Whoa! Are you okay?”

Natalia's head was spinning and a wave of nausea hit her hard, “Yeah, I just got dizzy.”

“Here, sit. I'll get you something to drink.” Natalia waved her off, but fell heavily to the bench anyway.

“No, it's okay. It'll pass.”

Olivia was looking down at her concerned, “You mean this isn't the first time?”

Natalia tilted her head to the side, “It's okay. I'm okay. It's only happened a few times lately. At least I didn't throw up. I'm sure it's just all the stress with Rafe or something.”

“A few times! Throwing up! Why didn't you say anything? And what's this, ‘or something'?”

“Olivia…,” Natalia kept protesting.

Olivia crossed her arms, “You wouldn't let me get away with putting up an argument. Go to see Rick.” When Natalia didn't respond, “Do it tomorrow. Promise.”

Natalia threw up her hands, “I promise! But it's nothing. You're worrying for nothing.”

Olivia took her hand in her own as she looked down at the woman she loved, “I'd rather be safe than sorry. I just found you. I don't want to lose you.”

*********

The farmhouse was quiet. Natalia had done all the laundry and cooking she possibly could to keep her mind occupied, and now she was just left with her thoughts. She wanted to call Olivia and have her and Emma come back out. She missed having her family around with Emma's cute laugh filling up all the quiet and Olivia's rich voice calming her nerves.

Then there was Rafe. She laid her head back on the couch feeling a little disturbed that she was having a hard time imagining her son there. She had wanted him back so bad and now there was a chance for her to have all of them there, but it felt…off. With the way he had reacted to her and Olivia, it was just so hard to picture him sitting around on movie night laughing and eating pizza with them. But she wanted it, and she felt her chest clench that it may never happen.

She brushed at the tears going down her cheek, frustrated at the situation. She picked up her phone to call Rafe one last time when there was a knock at the door. She looked at the clock. It was nearly nine o'clock. She had no idea who would be out there that time of night until she looked out the curtain.

“Rafe!” She moved to hug him as he came through the door but he stepped aside out of her reach. Natalia chose to ignore it, “So, come in. Can I get you something to drink? Eat?”

“No, Ma. I can't stay.” She looked at him wearily, not liking the sound of his voice.

“Well, sit down at least.”

“That's okay.”

Natalia closed her eyes and leaned against the counter, “Then what's going on?”

He looked around the kitchen nervously, unable to look her in the eye. His gaze settled on the picture of Natalia, Olivia, and Emma from New Year's in one frame and a picture of him and his mom in a separate one. His jaw clenched at the symbolic truth in that set up, and he turned back more determined than ever to be the man Father Ray said he should be.

“You can't do this, Ma. This thing with Olivia. It's not right and I won't allow it.”

Natalia cocked an eyebrow at her son, feeling a new rush of emotion. It was something she didn't recognize, “Won't allow it? I think you forget, I'm still your mother. And this is my life, my decision.”

“Then you have another one to make,” he finally looked her in the eye, “Me…or Olivia.”

Natalia felt the cold rush of fear. This couldn't be happening. “Rafe, don't do this. Don't make me choose.”

He looked at her coldly, “I'm your son. This shouldn't even be a debate.”

She looked at incredulous, the understanding finally hitting her, “You're also 19 years old and you've been to prison. You're a man, not a child. Maybe that's my fault for treating you like one for so long, for putting everything in my life on hold for you, for going against all the things I believed in just to give you a father. But I can't do that anymore. I'm happy with Olivia, and I want to build a life with her…forever. You said you wanted me to be happy. Well, I am. Where did that go?”

“But this, Ma? This wasn't what I meant!”

She stepped closer, to put a hand on his arm but he flinched away, “I can't change what I feel.”

He looked at her sadly, “Neither can I.” He turned to leave, “Do what you have to do.”

When the door closed behind him, Natalia slid down into the nearest chair as the words caught up with her. She looked at her Virgin Mary statue on the shelf and the tears came…finally. She didn't want to ever believe it would come to this. That she'd have to make a painful decision like this. Who could ever choose between her child and her true love? She had no way of resolving this in her mind without someone getting hurt. She brushed at the tears and went over to get the statue before coming back to sit down again.

She crossed herself as she stared at the gentle face on the statue, “I don't know what to do.”

****

Chapter 2

A knock at the door had Olivia jumping out of her skin.  She looked at the clock and it was a little past midnight.  She covered up in her robe and padded to the door.  When she saw Natalia through the peephole, her heart raced with worry.

“Natalia, what's wrong?”  She could tell she had been crying.  Her eyes were red and a little swollen.

Natalia immediately slipped into her arms and relaxed against her.  Olivia guided her to the sofa and urged her to look up at her, “What's going on?”

“Rafe came over.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” she looked up into Olivia's now fearful eyes, “It wasn't good.  He basically gave me an ultimatum…you or him.”

Olivia felt tears coming up too.  She had been afraid this would happen, but she forced herself to keep it together for Natalia's sake.  Inside, she fought the urge to race over to Frank's place and yank Rafe's sorry ass out of there and smack him around a few times and insist on him apologizing to his mother for being a selfish, insensitive brat.

Instead, all she could do was look into the lost and forlorn face of the woman she loved and brace herself for the coming heartbreak.

“And?”

Natalia took a deep breath, “I raised him for 19 years, gave him everything I've had, but I just found you.  I want 19 years with you,” she shrugged and smirked, “lot more than 19 actually.  I can't lose you.  Not now.”

The relief Olivia felt was palpable.  She felt like she'd come up for air after nearly drowning, but she couldn't allow Natalia to do this.  She loved Natalia far too much to let her face the heartbreak of losing a child.

“Natalia, I don't want you to lose Rafe because of me.  If we need to back off until he has more time, we'll do that.  I can do that.”

“No…no.  I can't.  I won't.  I love you, and he's just going to have to get used to it.  This isn't easy, but it'll work out eventually.  I prayed and I have faith that it'll be all okay someday.”

Natalia pulled Olivia into a hug and held her close, feeling the comfort of her warmth as it settled her soul, “This feels too right and too good to lose, Olivia.  I won't let you go.”

*******

Olivia hung up the phone after talking to the coordinator for the state education association's annual conference, and not for the first time wished that Natalia hadn't quit her job.  She really had far more patience for panicky people than Olivia did.  She rubbed at the crease between her eyes when she heard a knock at the door.

“Come in!”  She smiled when a familiar dimply face peeked around the corner.  “You didn't have to knock!  Get in here!”

Natalia quickly came over in about three strides and let Olivia wrap her in a hug.  Ever since their conversation at the park yesterday, the casual contact between them had been easy and uncomplicated.  They had both set their minds on moving forward and taking their relationship to a more physical level, and it was evident in every interaction they had.

Natalia nuzzled into Olivia's shoulder enjoying the feel of her.  Olivia hummed her appreciation, “You smell good…sweet.”

The blush racing up Natalia's cheeks when she pulled back made Olivia smile.  God, she loved this woman so much!  They had come so far that it almost seemed surreal.  Here Olivia was with her at one time sworn enemy gazing longingly into her eyes, wanting so desperately to wrap her in her arms and push away the world.  The emotion of it all was almost too intense.  She forced herself to come back to the present and the reason Natalia was probably there.

“So, what did Rick say?”

“Well, nothing really conclusive yet.  He did a full battery of tests and some we won't know for a couple of days, but he felt they were long shot possibilities anyway.  He just wanted to be sure, but he didn't think it was anything to worry about.”

Olivia smiled, relieved, “Well, that's good!  It still doesn't help with knowing why you're dizzy and throwing up though.”

Natalia pursed her lips, making her dimples show, “Actually, he thinks he has a pretty good idea.”

“Really?”

“Well, he asked about what's been going on with me lately, and we just got to talking and…I told him about us and everything going on.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he's really easy to talk to, but anyway, he thinks it's plain, old-fashioned stress.”

Olivia raised an eyebrow, “Stress.  Seriously?  That's it?”

“Yeah, he didn't sound worried at all.  Why? Did you want it to be something worse?”

“No!  No, of course not!”  Olivia quirked her mouth to one side, “So what now?  Do you have some pills or something?”

Natalia shook her head, her ponytail swinging with the movement, “Nope, I don't want medicine.  He just said that I need to relax.  We still have to wait for the rest of the results, but I'm sure I'm fine.”

“Me too.  Everything's going to be fine.”

*********

Emma and Natalia bustled around the kitchen pulling together the ingredients needed for potato salad.  Olivia worked at the table basting some chicken wings with Natalia's spicy Spanish glaze that everyone loved.  Of course, Natalia had a couple dozen cookies baking in the oven as well.  She couldn't go to a barbeque without baking something sweet!

The women shared a look between them as Emma swiped bites of some of the finished cookies.  Tonight was the night.  They had agreed that they needed to do this before the barbeque so they could just be themselves there so they wouldn't have anything to hide, even from Emma.

Olivia could tell that Natalia was a nervous wreck.  She had cooked way too much food and when Natalia was nervous…she cooked…a lot!  She also caught the glances that Natalia gave Emma when the little girl wasn't looking.  After what happened with Rafe, she was afraid of losing someone else she loved.

When Natalia came to the Beacon the other night when she saw Rafe, they sat for a long time talking.  Natalia couldn't help but worry about Emma's reaction.  Natalia wasn't sure if she could take hearing Emma say hurtful things to her.  Olivia wasn't sure what to say to that.  She was afraid too, but they promised to work through these problems together.  She wasn't about to let Natalia go back to the farmhouse alone that night so she finally talked her into sleeping there.  Olivia took the couch, of course.  The last thing they needed was for Emma to wander in on them like Rafe did.  The next morning though, Natalia was like a completely different person when Emma ran into the room and into her arms.  The first thing Emma said was that she loved Natalia.  They took that as a good sign.

“She's always going to love you.  You know that, right?”  Olivia looked at Natalia pleased with her daughter's amazing people skills.

“Just like her mom?”

“Always.”

Olivia smiled at the memory.  Somehow deep down, she knew this would be okay.  She looked at her watch and realized the time.

“Hey guys, I'm gonna call for the pizza.  A thin crust with ham, pineapple, and extra cheese, right?”

“Right!”  They turned in unison to answer.

“Oh!” Natalia added at the last minute.  “Can you get some of that dessert pizza too?  Cherry.”  She winked at Olivia.

Olivia laughed as she dialed the number.  When she hung up, she announced that it would be there in thirty minutes.  Natalia turned and looked at her with a look of trepidation.  Olivia smiled at her and Natalia visibly relaxed.  They worked to pack up and put away the food that had been cooked.

“That should do it!”  Natalia announced.

Olivia snapped her fingers, “Oh, I forgot about the ice chest.  It's out in the barn.”

Natalia waved her hand in the air, trying to act far more nonchalant than the look on her face depicted, “Don't worry about it.  I'll get it in the morning.  Let's just enjoy the pizza and movie.”

“Hey, Jellybean, here are the plates.  Can you take them out to the living room?”

“Sure!  Can I go ahead and put the movie in?”

“Yeah, just don't start it yet, okay?”

Olivia looked back at Natalia who was deathly pale, “Hey, you okay?”

“I'm really nervous about this, Liv.  What if it goes terribly wrong?”  She put a hand to her stomach.  She closed her eyes and squeezed her lips tightly together.  Uh oh, this didn't look good.   Olivia instinctively backed up as Natalia put her hand to her mouth.

“Go…go,” Olivia shooed Natalia out and up the stairs.  Fortunately, Emma didn't notice since she was engrossed in an iCarly episode.

A few minutes later, Natalia headed back down the stairs, her face freshly scrubbed.  The pizzas had arrived while she was in the bathroom, sitting open on the kitchen table.  Olivia smiled at her when she came in the kitchen.

“Hey, feeling better?”

Natalia stood next to Olivia and leaned her hip against the counter, “Yeah, I think so.  Probably just nerves.  I just love Emma so much, you know?  I don't want to hurt her.  I just want us to be a family.”

Olivia ran a finger along Natalia's chin, lifting it so their eyes could meet, the clean smell of soap and toothpaste greeting her, “You love me and you love her.  How in the world could that possibly hurt her?  I don't know what either of us would do without you.”

Natalia smirked a little, as she glanced at the still empty plates, “Probably starve.”

They both laughed before Natalia's look turned serious again, “Will you do the talking?”

“Of course.”

**********

Olivia precariously carried three plates of pizza while Natalia navigated around her with the glasses of soda to set on the table.

“Yay!!! Food!”  Emma slid down from the couch to the floor and dove into the pizza in front of her.  “You guys ready to start the movie?”

Olivia looked at Natalia, who was nervously biting a fingernail, and decided to move around closer to her so she wouldn't feel so alone in this.  She rubbed her suddenly sweaty palms on her jeans and took Natalia's hand sitting her down on the couch next to her.

“Actually, sweetie, Natalia and I wanted to talk to you about something first, if that's alright?”

Emma shrugged and put down her slice of pizza before turning to her mom and Natalia.  Olivia noticed the big innocent eyes so much like, yet unlike, her own completely open and trusting in whatever her mom was going to say.  Olivia did something unusual then.  The offered a silent prayer to whoever was up there listening that this would all be okay and she squeezed Natalia's hand before running in head first.

“Well, you remember how you did that really great presentation about our family for Mrs. Jennings?”

Emma nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah, that was a lot of fun, but I didn't understand why I couldn't play with Derek after that.”

Olivia looked briefly to Natalia, “Well, that's kind of what we wanted to talk about.  See, there's a lot of different types of families, but most families have a mommy and a daddy.”

“Like Derek has.”

“Right.  Well, some families have one mommy or one daddy and some like yours have two mommies.”

“But I do have a daddy.”

Olivia nodded, “Yes, you do.  He just doesn't live here.”

Emma looked at her confused, “But we don't live here either and we're still a family, right?”

“Well, yeah.  We don't have to live together to be family.”  Olivia was starting to feel flustered.  The conversation wasn't exactly going in the direction she had hoped.  She looked over to Natalia, trying to whisper, “I really thought the presentation angle would work.”

Finally, Natalia shook her head and slid down to the floor to look Emma in the eye, “Emma, you know your mommy and I love each other right?”

“Yeah, of course.  You're BFF's, like I told Rafe, and he's like my brother.  We're a family.” 

“Yes, yes we are, honey.  But, your mom and I…we love each other more than just BFF's.”  Natalia paused at the confused look on Emma's face.  Then another incident came to her that might help in explain this.  “Remember when we made the Valentine's cards and we talked about butterflies in the tummy and how liking someone sometimes make us feel funny things?”

“Yeah?”

Olivia watched in amazement as Natalia delicately led Emma to understanding the situation.  She put her hand on Natalia's shoulder to let her know she was doing great.  Warm, brown eyes turned up to look at her and a hand reached up to take her own, “Well, I get those butterflies in my tummy when I'm with your mom.  She makes me feel funny inside, but it's a good kind of feeling.  It means that I love her more than anything in this world, and I want us to always be together.”

Olivia looked back at her daughter who was watching them intently.  The young girl was wise beyond her years so she wasn't surprised when green eyes narrowed at both of them and flickered between looking at their hands entwined and their faces.

“But don't girls feel butterflies in the tummy for boys?”

Olivia finally spoke up, feeling the final gauntlet in this should be thrown by her, “Sometimes.  But, sometimes girls can feel butterflies for other girls.  And, boys can feel it for boys too.”

“Oh,” Emma looked thoughtful for a moment, before looking back up at Natalia, “Did you feel butterflies for Uncle Frank?”

“No, baby, I didn't.”

“That's why you didn't marry him?”

Natalia smiled, feeling they may have actually gotten over this hurdle with minimal injury or trauma, “Yeah, that's right.”

Emma looked down at her pizza then back up at both women, “So, does that mean the two of you will get married now?”

Olivia smirked as she looked down at a stunned Natalia, who struggled to wrap her mind around what had just happened, “It may be a little early for that.”

The little girl looked at her mom excitedly, “But you want to right?”

“Ummm,” Olivia was the one at a loss for words now. [i] Thanks for putting me on the spot, Bean! [/i] “Do you want us to?”

“Sure!  That would be fun and I'd get to be a flower girl again.  Only one thing though,” she looked down and picked a piece of ham off her pizza before turning back to them, more specifically at Natalia, “No running out.  Okay?”

Natalia laughed a little, the worry falling off her shoulders like a weight, as tears of happiness glistened in her eyes, “You got it.”

“Good!  Can we watch [i]Wall-E[/i] now?”

“Absolutely!”

Olivia didn't think she had been any happier than she was in that moment.  In spite of all the madness and chaos going on with Rafe, she was so glad that she and Natalia could have a small moment of joy in the midst of it.

She pulled Natalia up off the floor and sat her down on the sofa next to her.  Both sighed with relief as Olivia took Natalia's hand in her own and they cuddled up for the movie with their daughter.

*********

Two hours later, Emma was sound asleep in between Olivia and Natalia on the sofa.  Natalia raised a finger to her lips to quiet Olivia and smoothly slipped her arms under the sleeping girl.  When she stood, Emma immediately curled into her and threw an arm over her shoulder.  Olivia mouthed “awww” as she watched Natalia navigate the steps with her child.

A few minutes later, Natalia quietly closed the door behind her and came back down the stairs to find Olivia rifling through the DVD collection.  Quietly, she snuck up behind Olivia and wrapped her arms around her waist, startling the older woman.

“Natalia!  You know better than to do that to a heart patient.”  Olivia turned in her arms and wrapped her own around the other woman's shoulders as they stood and nestled together.

“Oh, please!  Bet you'll outlive us all.”

“Poor you then.  At least if I went first, you'd get a few years of peace and quiet.”

Natalia glared at her, “Don't even joke like that.”

Olivia smiled and laughed in spite of the admonition, “Okay, fine.  So, what do you want to watch?  Romance, action, comedy?”

“Hmmmm, how about horror?”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.  Didn't you know that horror movies are the best date movies?”

Olivia turned and bent down to get “Saw” off the shelf, “No, guess I didn't.  Why is that?”

Natalia took her hand after Olivia had put the DVD in the player and led her back to the couch, “Because when a girl gets scared she's supposed to try to get as close as possible to her date so she'll feel safe and protected.  It's great for make out opportunities.”

Olivia looked at her girlfriend surprised, “And you know this how?”

“I read a lot.”

“Uh, huh,” Olivia stared at her unconvinced.

“Oh, just hush and watch,” Natalia leaned over and hit play on the remote then laid her head in Olivia's lap, her hand resting on Olivia's thigh just under her chin.  She smirked as Olivia squirmed.

“Comfy?”

Olivia swallowed hard, at the hand on her leg and the unbidden thoughts of Natalia's head so close to…, “Yeah, I'm great!  Just peachy.”

“Good,” Natalia shifted her head a little to get more comfortable and then closed her eyes when she swore she caught a scent of arousal from Olivia.  Dear God, maybe this wasn't such a good idea.  Before she realized what she was doing, her hand had begun running intricate patterns on the inside of Olivia's thigh.

Olivia closed her eyes when fingers began to softly draw out an unseen message on her thigh.  She let her head fall back on the couch as she fought to hold back a moan.  When she felt blunt nails dig into the inside of her thigh, she instinctively shifted to spread her legs a little.  Sweet Jesus, she's gonna kill me!  The ache was quickly building and she was powerless to stop it.

When Olivia looked down, dark knowing eyes were staring back at her, “Natalia.”

The throaty whisper of her name made Natalia roll over and push herself up, closer to Olivia.  She felt shaky fingers brush through her hair before reaching around her to hold her up, as her own hand wrapped around Olivia's shoulder.  She couldn't resist the pull anymore and she gave in as Olivia wrapped both arms around her and pulled her into a kiss.  It was slow and deep, holding promises and barely restrained desires.  Natalia had never felt more loved or in a more perfect moment than laying in Olivia's arms as they kissed.  If this love was sending her to hell, it was so worth it.

Olivia broke the kiss and pulled Natalia closer as she kissed her way down her jaw to the pulse point on her neck.  She could feel the erratic thump of Natalia's heart under her lips and she let her tongue caress the pulsing flesh.  Natalia let out a soft moan and laid her head back, offering her neck to Olivia.  She kissed and nipped her way down to the sensitive flesh at the base of Natalia's neck and was rewarded with a sharp burning pain as Natalia's fingernails dug into her back.  She hissed and sucked a little harder and again felt the sting of nails into her raw flesh.

She was quickly losing control and while all of her common sense was telling her to pull back and take it slow, her primal nature had other things in mind.  She found the hem to Natalia's shirt and slipped underneath, letting her nails graze the soft skin just above the waist of her pants.  Natalia arched into her.

She pulled back to look at Natalia, her dark eyes glazed over with desire.  She watched her lips part in anticipation as Olivia slid her hand further up her side.

“Olivia...,” Natalia whispered her name like a prayer.

“Do you need me to stop?”  Olivia prayed she didn't say yes because if she had to stop she may just die on the spot.

“No, don't stop.”

Olivia moved in to kiss Natalia when a scream upstairs made her jump.  They looked at each other and quickly snapped out of their lust-induced haze. 

Natalia was the first to speak, “Emma.”

They both scampered off the couch as another scream pierced the quiet night.  Olivia took the steps two at a time and Natalia was right on her heels.  They both ran into Emma's room, or at least the room that used to be Emma's when they lived there, and went to the little girl's side.

Olivia immediately crawled onto the bed and stroked her hair, soothing her as she came out of the nightmare.  The look in Emma's eyes was positively horrified.  They were wild and dark, almost frantic.  When they settled on Natalia, Emma whimpered and reached for her.  She wrapped Emma up in her arms and rocked her.

“It's okay, baby.  It was just a bad dream.  We're here now.  We've got you.”

She could feel Emma shake her head and her shoulder was cold now from the tears soaking through her shirt, “It's not okay.  You were gone.  You were gone and we couldn't find you.  And…and, you were screaming for us to find you because you were hurt.  And…”

Emma broke into fresh tears when she couldn't finish the tale and all Natalia could do was rock her and reassure her.  Olivia got up and went to get a glass of water from the bathroom.

“Here, sweetie, drink some water.”  Emma gulped the glass down in a few swallows and took a ragged breath as she began to calm down.

Natalia crawled up into the bed and stroked her long dark hair, “I'm not going anywhere, Emma.  You have my promise, okay?”

She felt a tentative nod, “Okay.”

All three sat there for a few more minutes until Emma started to get drowsy again.  When Natalia moved to stand up, a small hand came up to pull her back down.

“Stay here, Natalia.  Don't leave.”  Natalia looked to Olivia, who smiled and mouthed that it was okay.

“Okay, sweetie, I'll stay,” Natalia kicked off her shoes and crawled under the covers, “Here, slide down and close your eyes.”

Olivia watched as they got settled before she leaned over and gave both a kiss, “Love you.”

“Love you too,” they said in unison.

***

Chapter 3

The warm smell of coffee tickled Olivia awake. She rubbed at her sleepy eyes and rolled to sit up on the sofa, moaning as bones cracked into place. Natalia giggled and peeked around the corner, holding a large mug in her hand.

“No poking fun at the old lady! A few years and this'll be you. Just remember that.” 

Natalia smiled a big dimply smile and stepped closer, “You're not old. You're well-aged like a fine wine.”

“Sweet talker. What are you up to? Huh, what do you want?” Olivia glared at her jokingly through slitted eyes.

Natalia scooted next to her on the couch, “Actually, it's more like a proposal.”

“Proposal? But, honey, we've only kissed,” Olivia smirked at her, “don't you think that's a little fast? Gee, a sweet talker and now a fast mover.”

Natalia gave her an odd look but then bumped her with her shoulder, laughing, “Be serious for a minute.”

“Fine. What?”

“Well, I was going to suggest that you and Emma go ahead to the barbecue, and I'll meet you there.”

Olivia frowned and tucked a stray hair behind her ear, “I thought the whole idea was to go together.”

“Yeah, I know, but we overslept. It's almost 10am. The barbeque starts in an hour. We both have to get ready and so does Emma. You needed to pick up plates and stuff, and I still need to get the ice chest out of the barn and clean it up. There's no way we can do all of that in an hour.”

Olivia struggled to find a loophole in the logic so she went straight for the facts, “We'll just be fashionably late then. I really wanted us to show up as a family.”

Natalia groaned, “I know. I did too, but Emma's really excited about all the games and everyone being there. You don't want her to miss anything.”

Olivia quirked her mouth to the side, “I hate it when you're right.”

Natalia smiled at her broadly then shuffled her off up the stairs to get Emma so they could get on their way. When they came back down, she handed Emma a muffin and gave her a long hug before standing to give Olivia a kiss on the cheek.

“See you later?” Olivia asked.

Natalia sighed, looking preoccupied, “Yeah.”

************

She bent over to get the last pack of paper plates off the shelf. When she stood, she had to hide her disappointment at seeing Frank staring at her. 

A few long seconds passed before he spoke, “Looks like your coming to the barbeque.”

Olivia nervously shifted her basket to her other hand, “Yeah, Emma loves the games.” Another long moment of silence and when Frank didn't say anything, she pushed forward, “So, is Rafe going to make it?”

“Yeah…yeah, I convinced him that it would be good to be seen interacting with the rest of the community. Besides, Daisy's going to be there. I think that did more than I ever could.”

“Thank you…for doing that. I'm sure Natalia will be really happy to see him.”

He looked down, debating if he should say anything, “She might be, but I can't say the same for him. He came back really upset the other night.”

“Yeah, I heard.”

Frank started to say something more when Emma ran up to them, “Hey Mom, can I get some sparklers for the fireworks for later? Natalia likes them too. Can I get some extras for her?”

“Sure, honey,” she knelt down, “Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure,” the little girl shrugged.

“We need some drinks. Can you get some for us?”

“Okay!” Emma enthusiastically left the two adults standing there.

“Oh, and Emma…nothing with caffeine.” The little girl rolled her eyes before heading further down the aisle.

Frank watched the exchange fondly, “She seems to be doing well.”

Olivia felt an undercurrent of a deeper meaning running through his words, her blood chilling slightly, “She is. We told her, by the way, about us.”

He raised an eyebrow at her, trying to feign disinterest, “Really? And how did that go?”

“She wondered when we were getting married,” Olivia fought to not smirk as she watched Frank's face fall, “It's amazing how kids can be so much more mature and intuitive about things than most adults.” When Frank clenched his jaw, unable to answer, she brushed past him, “We'll see you at the barbeque, Frank.”

**************

Natalia knew she had acted a bit short with Olivia this morning. She hadn't meant too, but she wasn't feeling quite herself and part of her just wanted to be alone. She didn't need Olivia worrying about her because she wasn't feeling well.

She wasn't sure what the problem was. Now that this weird feeling had been going on a few days, she couldn't really blame it on nerves. Things had calmed down slightly with Rafe. Well, really he just hadn't been around to stir things up and she hadn't made a move to make amends yet. She knew she was going to have to deal with that, but this wasn't the time. He was a grown man now and he needed to find his own way to deal with this, to find his own happiness just like she was doing. It wasn't the stress over Emma because that had been a piece of cake. The little girl was practically their own built in CIA agency. She knew stuff and she wasn't afraid to use it! Natalia smiled as she moved around the kitchen cleaning up. Emma was so much like her mother. No wonder she had been charmed by her!

Natalia wondered if it could be their “outing” planned for today at the barbeque, but in her mind, they had dealt with the biggest problems already: their kids and her faith. What the rest of the town thought of them as a couple was pretty much inconsequential.

Was it what came after today?  Natalia felt her heart race slightly at the implication. She was tired of waiting and when she said it, she knew what she meant. She wanted Olivia and she wanted what every couple has together, including sex.

She said the word out loud into the quiet of the farmhouse kitchen, “Sex.” Her hands shook a little, “I do. I want to have sex with Olivia.” She hadn't said those words to Olivia yet or to anyone. To be honest, she hadn't said them to herself either. Until now.

“Once you say it, Rivera, you can't take it back,” a nervous excitement filled her and she smiled a little. The images of them kissing last night sending lightening fast messages to other parts of her body.

She closed her eyes and a small moan escaped her lips. If Emma hadn't had her nightmare, no telling what would have happened. They probably wouldn't have stopped, and Natalia, feeling the shake that had been in her hands move down below her belly, was becoming quite aware that she didn't want to. She couldn't say the word “sex” to Olivia, but her body sure could!

With a new determination, she quickly finished the dishes still sitting in the sink so she could get the supplies from the barn. The sooner this day was over, the sooner they could stop this incessant waiting, and Natalia was so done with the waiting.

*************

Olivia waved to Josh as she got out of the car, watching as he came closer. They laughed when Emma raced past yelling “hey Uncle Josh” before running right into a sprinkler screaming. All the other kids started chasing her and she screamed even louder.

“She's awfully happy!” Josh smiled as he helped Olivia lift some bags from the car trunk. He noticed the huge grin on Olivia's face too, “And so is her mother.”

Olivia couldn't stop her smile from getting bigger, “Yes, I am.” She saw the furrowed brows and curious look of her ex-husband.

“So, where's Natalia?”

She gave him a long, contemplative look. His smile was sincere, and if anyone got her, it would be Josh. When she closed the trunk and precariously balanced several trays of cookies, she looked at him, “She'll be here soon. In the meantime, want to get a beer and…talk?”

“Talk? You? This sounds serious.”

“Yeah, it is. But in a good way.”

**************

Natalia hopped down the back steps and headed back to the barn to get the remaining supplies for the barbeque. She knew they needed an ice chest for ice to keep the drinks cold, and thinking Rafe would probably show up, she whipped up a sugar free chocolate mousse pudding that he loved.

Opening the doors, she waved at her face to make the dust and lingering smell of horse manure fade slightly. She set the cleaning supplies on the floor by the door and walked over to the ladder that went up to the barn loft where all their seasonal items were kept. Slowly she climbed each step in the ladder being careful to check the stability of the wood before moving up a little higher. The barn was a lot bigger than it looked from the outside so by the time she got to the last step, she was winded and slightly dizzy.

She knew she still had to clean the ice chest and get a shower before she could so her time was running out. Instead of sitting for a moment longer to get her bearings, she turned to reach for the chest on the shelf at the back of the loft. That was when she noticed the sleeping bag that she and Olivia had carefully rolled up and put in a protective hard plastic bag to keep rats out, completely out of the bag and stuffed in the corner.

“What the…?” She reached for the bag and pulled it from the corner. “Oh my God!” She covered her mouth. In the corner sat an old fashioned but functional lantern, a local newspaper, and a map. She leaned closer when she saw something shiny in hay. She ran her finger over it and seeing how small it was she picked it up, the red and gold crest flickering back at her in the sunlight coming through the loft window. She held it up to the light, finally realizing it looked very much like a cufflink, to read the markings at the bottom. She could make out the faded lettering of an “S” and an “A” but that was all.

An uneasiness crept over her and she had a sudden urge to run from the barn. She gripped the cufflink in her hand, picked up the chest and turned, but before she could turn all the way around, the world went dark and she fell hard to the wooden planks of the loft.

************

Olivia sat at a bench table with Josh sipping on a beer as they watched Emma and several other kids chased Bill with water balloons. They laughed as Bill slipped on a Wiffle bat and all the kids came tumbling down on top of him. Olivia watched Lizzie from across the way giving her young fiance looks of complete adoration. Everyone tried to ignore the little pooch on Lizzie's belly, but as in love as those two were, it was bound to happen. Watching him roll and wrestle with the kids, she knew he'd make a great father one day.

With a deep sigh of complete contentment, she lifted the bottle to her lips and took a long sip. Josh had been watching her, watching everyone else, and fighting a silly grin.

“Alright…spill it.”

Olivia grinned at him and feigned a look of shock, “What? There's nothing to tell…really.” The mischievous smirk however told another tale.

“You're not getting out of this that easy. You wanted to sit down and have a beer and talk…so, talk.” Josh rested his goatted chin in his hand and gave Olivia his patented “tell me or else” look.

Olivia picked at the label on the bottle, “I'm…in love.”

A slow smile spread across his face, as he stretched out the only word he could think of at the moment, “Okay.” When no more information was forthcoming, he pushed, “Don't stop there. Please, tell me more. Who is this lucky person?”

Olivia nervously bit her lip. If there was anyone in Springfield that she could trust and that really got her enough to understand how life-altering this was, it was Josh, but there was still a small nagging doubt in the back of her mind that made her hesitate.

She looked up at him and seeing nothing but genuine caring from a genuinely good man, she swallowed the last of her concerns before quietly acknowledging his question with an answer, “It's Natalia.”

She watched him, cautiously, for any changing expression or reaction, but he simply smiled, “I know.”

“What?” Olivia was stumped.

He laughed at the shocked look on her face, “I know, Liv. I've known for a while.”

“Since when?”

He took a slow sip of his beer, “Since we played pool with Jeffrey that time. You girls really were solid, huh?”

She elbowed him for the snarky remark, “Not at that time, no.” The look he gave her posed the obvious next question without words, “The wedding. I…blurted it out to her next to Gus' grave and she ran out on Frank.”

Josh's eyebrows raised, “That explains why Frank's been so cranky lately.”

Olivia couldn't contain her laughter. She didn't enjoy the idea that she caused Frank pain, yet it was hard not to want to laugh at his recent regression into a grown up version of adolescent angst.

When the laughter died down, he reached for her and wrapped her in a hug. “Congratulations. I'm very happy for you.”

She closed her eyes and let herself be comforted by Josh's strength and friendship, “Thank you…for everything.”

“You're welcome. Now, the most important question of all.”

Olivia put her head in her hands, “Oh no! No, Josh, you can't watch.”

Josh laughed so hard he almost fell off the bench, “That was not what I was going to ask.” He wiped at the tears of laughter streaking down his face, “I was going to ask where your girl's at.”

Olivia had been so caught up in her talk with Josh and how good it felt to talk openly, finally, about her relationship with Natalia that she lost track of timeand didn't realize it had been well over an hour since she had left the farmhouse. Natalia should have been there by now. She reached into her pocket to pull out her phone, thinking she may have turned it off accidentally, but when she looked it was on and the ringer was turned up. There were no missed calls or voice mails.

“She must have gotten stuck getting things to bring. Let me just call her to make sure she doesn't need any help.” Josh gave her a shooing motion as she stood to walk over by the pool.

After several rings, she heard the voice mail pick up, “Hey, Natalia. It's me. I was just checking to see if you needed any help or anything. I can come back over and help if you need it. Just give me a call, okay? Oh, by the way, I hope you don't mind but I told Josh about us, and he was very happy. So…we're having a great time. Emma's soaked from the water balloon wars, and they're going to be setting up for the three-legged race in about an hour. I know Emma can't wait to do that with you. Okay, well, I'll see you soon. I love you!”

She flipped her cell closed and slipped it in her pocket.  She turned just in time to see Emma and Bill sneaking up on her with water balloons, “Don't you dare, Emma Spencer!”

The little girl raised a hand innocently, “It's just water.”

“Yeah, it's just water, Olivia,” Bill bounced a water-filled balloon in his hand mischievously.

“Don't even think about, Bill Lewis.”

“Whatcha gonna do about it, huh?” Olivia smirked evilly at the approaching forms behind Bill.

“Let's just say that I hope you brought a change of clothes.”

“What?” Bill turned just in time to see Josh toss one of the biggest water balloons known to man right at him. Emma and Olivia both squealed and jumped back as the flood of water went everywhere.

Finally recovering from his shock, Bill took off after Josh, “Come here, old man! Oh, you're gonna pay for that!”

**************

Rafe and Ashlee sat by the pool sipping lemonade and having the random kind of conversation common to teenagers. Both compared notes on their latest cell phones and all the cool applications they had downloaded and seemed to spend more time text messaging others than actually talking to each other.

A shadow fell over them and Rafe barely contained his contempt at the woman standing there with a tray of fresh drinks.

“Looks like you two are getting low,” Olivia gestured to their cups, “Want some more?”

Ashlee gratefully took a thoroughly iced lemonade from the tray, “Thank you so much!”

“No problem…Rafe?” He shook his head no but didn't verbalize his response. Instead, he simply stood, shook his head again and walked away. Ashlee looked apologetically at Olivia, but the older woman waved her hand nonchalantly urging Ashlee silently to not worry about it.

Olivia walked away, and Ashlee watched for a moment before taking off where Rafe had gone. She found him far out in the field leaning against the fence.

“What was that about?”

“Nothing. Don't worry about it.” She placed her hand carefully on his arm.

“Well, I am. Something's bothering you. You know you can talk to me, right?” He fidgeted with the cap in his hand before wrapping his arms tightly around his chest as if he was in pain. He acknowledged the blonde's concerned question with a nod, but kept looking down. 

“My life is so screwed up right now.”

Ashlee looked at him strangely. As far as she knew, his life was finally working out pretty good. “Why would you say that? You just got out of the halfway house, and you barely served any time. You have a home to go to. Friends that care. A mom that's awesome! What could possibly be wrong?”

“She's not awesome. You don't know here,” he snorted at his own bad private joke, “Actually, neither do I.”

Ashlee threw up her hands, completely confused, “I don't…”

“She's gay, okay? And she's…she thinks she's in love with Olivia,” he shook his head vehemently, the anger bubbling quickly to the surface, “But she can't. It's Olivia's fault. She messed with her head and weaseled her way into our lives. She destroyed my mom's marriage and then led her own with this…this crap.”

Ashlee narrowed her eyes at her friend, watching his body language. He still hadn't looked at her. He was ashamed of his own mother. She glared at him then.

“Rafe Rivera, I cannot believe you,” he finally looked at her when the tone of voice was not what he expected. He thought she'd side with him. After all, she was his friend, right?

“What?”

“Your mom is in love and from what I've seen of her, happily so, yet you're going to stand here and doubt that your thirty something year old mother doesn't know what she wants and who she wants it with?” Rafe didn't know what to say.

“She lied to me, Ashlee.”

The blonde crossed her arms and looked out over the field, “No, no she didn't. If she was going to lie to you, we wouldn't be having this conversation because you still wouldn't know about her. Let me tell you something about lying. Lying means looking your daughter in the eye and straight up saying ‘Honey, I have a dinner date with a wonderful guy named Michael at 7pm. Don't wait up.' And come to find out that the date was really with Michelle. That's lying, Rafe. Not this. You're lucky to have a mom that actually talks to you and trusts you.”

Rafe was shell-shocked, “You mean, your mom…the mayor is…”

“Yeah, but of course, I don't know that.”

Rafe didn't know what to say. Saying ‘sorry' didn't seem adequate at the moment so he simply reached out and put a gentle hand on her shoulder. They both turned as they heard voices calling for the three-legged race.

Ashlee gave Rafe a crooked smile and tilted her head back to the gathering, “Come on. Daisy and I are going to kick you and Frank's collective butts.”

He smiled and followed Ashlee back, lingering back a few steps, still pondering what she said.

***************

Olivia pulled her phone from her pocket for the third time in five minutes. Still no call. Nothing. A few hundred feet away, everyone was setting up for the three-legged race. She watched her daughter holding her sack, alone, and her heart clenched. She looked at the phone one more time and started to hit the speed dial number, when Frank walked by.

“Hey, Frankie!” He turned but stalled, debating if he really wanted to talk to her or not. “Come here, please?”

He finally moved to sit by her on the bench, “Sure, what's up?”

“Natalia's been held up, I think. She was supposed to do the race with Emma, but…” They both looked at the young girl, all sad and forlorn. “I don't want her to miss out on anything. Could you…?” 

He only debated for a moment. In spite of what had happened with Natalia and Olivia, he couldn't hold it against the young girl. “Sure. I'll take care of it.”

He stood and walked over to Rafe, whispered something in his ear as he motioned to his knee before calling Emma over. Olivia smiled as she watched her daughter's disposition immediately brighten and she joined Rafe for the race.

She caught Frank's eye and mouthed, “Thank you.” He nodded in acknowledgment before heading to the grill area for another beer.

She eyed her phone again then checked for a dial tone to ensure it was working. Almost three hours had passed since she had left the farmhouse. How long did it take to get an ice chest and fill it with food? Finally, she gave in to the temptation and hit the speed dial number.

As hard as she tried, she couldn't keep the concern out of her voice. She really didn't want to sound worried or possessive, but she couldn't help the sense of unease hanging over her.

“Hey Natalia. I was just making sure everything was okay. They just started the three-legged race and food's going to be served soon. You'll be happy to know that Emma didn't have to forgo the race. Frank gave up his spot with Rafe for her.” She laughed as she watched Emma and Rafe stumble across the finish line. “And I think they just came in second place. If you're not feeling good, give me a call and let me know, okay. So I don't do something silly like worry or whatever. Alright…um, love you.”

She put the phone away the moment Emma ran over to her and threw her arms around her in a hug, “Did you see, mom? We came in second.” She motioned to Rafe standing well behind her, not wanting to get too close to Olivia's space.

“I did! You were wonderful!” She looked at the young man that was like a brother to Emma. “Thank you for letting her race with you.”

He shrugged and shuffled his foot, “No problem.”

“Betcha I would have come in first though if Natalia had raced with me!” Rafe gave Emma a shocked look.

“Oh, see if I race with you again, pipsqueak.”

Olivia laughed at the playful banter and wished things weren't so hard right now for him and Natalia. This could work. This could be so good for all of them. Then Rafe gave her an odd look as they both thought about Natalia, and Olivia could see the wall fall down over Rafe's face.

She sighed as he mumbled that he had to go and do something.

Emma turned back to her mom, “So, when's Natalia getting here?”

“I'm sure she'll be here any minute now. Why don't you go see how much longer we'll have on those burgers, huh?” She shuffled Emma over towards Rick and the grill.

“Natalia, where the hell are you?” She spoke to herself.

**********

Natalia awoke to a sharp noise and a pounding headache that had taken up residence behind her eyes. She closed her eyes tight against the bright light temporarily blinding her. She squinted her eyes open, laying a hand over her eyes to block the glaring light and slightly dull the pain now throbbing in time to her heartbeat. The staccato beat of something banging against metal only made the incessant throb more unbearable. She pressed her palms into her eyes hoping the pressure would ease the pain behind her eyes.

At first, when she looked up again, she thought she was on the floor of the barn but as her eyes focused, they landed on gray, uneven walls and a flat concrete surface covered in straw. She was no where that looked familiar and the panic quickly raced up her throat and choked her with a sob.

“Oh my God, where am I?” She frantically looked around and could see no light except the false eery glow of the naked bulb that showered down on her from almost twenty feet above the ground. The space she was in was small. When she stood and ran shaking hands over the rough stone walls, her arms almost reached from one end of the wall to the other. She felt along the wall hoping to run across…something. She wasn't sure what, but there had to be something here that could help her. All she could feel was the barely noticeable indentations for the metal door. At the very bottom of the door was a cut out groove. She felt along the opening but her touch was blocked by another piece of metal.

When nothing else was in apparent sight or touch, panic, raw and unhindered, bubbled to the surface and Natalia screamed, “HEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!” Down the hall, a dark figure turned and laughed as the screams and frantic banging on metal subsided as he walked further and further away.

****************************

Chapter 4

The sun was dipping in the sky. The food was gone and the beer was getting low. Across the lawn, far away from any danger, Frank, Bill, Josh and some others were setting up for the fireworks. Groups huddled here and there having generic conversations that can only be had at the end of a long festive day. Beth chattered non-stop with several other women about Lizzie's upcoming wedding, and at one point, Olivia had sworn a cackle of laughter had sprung up from the group. She rubbed at the bridge of her nose and eyed her silent phone again.

If Emma hadn't insisted she stay to watch her in all the races, she would have left two hours ago. Something was terribly wrong. It wasn't like Natalia to not return her calls. She couldn't shake the feeling of dread. She had asked everyone if they had seen Natalia. She even risked approaching Father Ray, but no one knew of anything.

She was just about to rise and find Emma to tell her she had to leave, when Phillip waltzed up, “Someone's missing.”

Olivia looked at him oddly before he cocked his head to the side and responded, “Your pretty brown-eyed date hasn't shown up.”

She rolled her eyes at him and made a move to leave. He held out his hands, urging her to not leave, “Wait, Olivia, I didn't…,” he nervously ran a hand through his short graying, blonde hair, “I didn't mean to pick at you. I was just…trying to make conversation. I've seen you wandering around all day with this huge smile on your face. I was sure you'd be here with Natalia, since you two are together, but I haven't seen her. I was just curious. Is everything okay?”

She didn't know how to act when Phillip was nice to her and it still unnerved her when he acted this way. It had the strange affect of knocking her defenses down and even when her mind screamed at her not to trust him, she still couldn't seem to help herself.

“Yeah, she just hasn't been feeling well the last few days. She was supposed to be here, but she never showed and she's not answering her phone.” She looked at him then, noticing the sincere look of concern in his blue eyes. “Do you think you could watch Emma for a little while? I think I should check on Natalia, make sure she's okay. It's not like her to not answer her phone. She would have let me know if she was unable to make it.”

He shrugged his broad shoulders, “Sure. Whatever you need, just let me know.” She grabbed her bag to find Emma and then leave. “I hope everything's okay.”

“Thanks.”

*************

Olivia pulled up to the front of the farmhouse and felt relieved when she saw Natalia's car in the driveway. She hopped out and jogged to the front door. She knocked a couple of times and waited. She didn't hear any movement inside so she walked over to the window and cupped her hands around her eyes to look in. She couldn't see anyone and it looked like all of the lights were off. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the kitchen table and on it a small piece of paper and Natalia's cell phone.

Olivia immediately felt that uneasy feeling that had been lingering all day pop back up. She fished around in her large purse until she retrieved the keys to the house. When she walked in, something felt terribly wrong and her stomach rolled with fear. The house was ghostly quiet. She almost hated to move and disturb the utter silence around her, but she couldn't resist the small slip of bold white paper on the table.

She softly walked over and started to pick up the paper, but switched gears at the last minute to pick up the phone instead. Sure enough, it had been on and it showed seven voicemails, all from Olivia. She stood for a few minutes, her hand hovering over the paper, replaying every look, every word, and even the kisses last night to convince herself that what she feared being on that paper wasn't really there.

Olivia didn't want to think that Natalia would just be one more broken heart and disappointment in her life and that no one as good and pure as Natalia could ever love her. She gritted her teeth as she forced her mind to accept and believe that the words Natalia had spoken were true.

She grabbed at the paper and flipped it over, closing her eyes at the last minute, giving a few more moments of respite before daring to look.

Olivia slipped heavily into the kitchen chair next to her as the words penetrated her mind and heart.

Dear Olivia,

I know this was a cowardly way to do this, and I hope some day you can forgive me. But this, what's happening between us, can't be. Don't try to find me. Just let me go and move on.

Natalia

Olivia shook her head, the tears streaming down her face, splattering the paper so the ink ran and smudged. She looked around the room, thinking of how the day before they had baked cookies and laughed without a care in the world.

She dragged herself up from the table, the small note crumbled in her hand, and walked into the living room. She saw the couch and visions of last night assaulted her mind and her body. She shook at the remembered sensations of Natalia's mouth on her own. The sweet scent of her hair and the soft feel of her hands sliding over Olivia's jean clad thigh.

A pain wretched at her heart and twisted in an agony she had never known before. It was worst than any heart attack. It was pure and unadulterated heartbreak, and it knocked Olivia's feet out from under her as she fell against the wall behind her and slid down. She stared at the empty couch where she could still see their bodies curled around each other.

Natalia's actions last night were not of a woman with doubts. Olivia was so sure that Natalia was ready for more. They had even told Emma. At the thought, Olivia felt a new wave of anxiety hit her. How in the world would she tell Emma about this? What would this do to her little girl?

Olivia rocked back and forth, warring with dueling emotions of grief and anger. She wanted to break every single thing she saw in the house, especially that God awful Mary statue that Natalia talked to all the time. She wanted to break it into a million pieces and break every crucifix in the house. But she couldn't do it. She couldn't because everything around her was a part of Natalia, and it was all she had of her. All that was left.

She kept rocking, the tears coming in waves, receding from the shore in a hopeful respite only to crash back hard into Olivia with each remembered memory. She buried her head in her arms, willing it to all go away, “Nononononononono.”

***************

When she awoke, she was stiff and sore. The cold wood underneath her making movement harder. She looked around and then looked at her watch, realizing that it was approaching dawn and that she had slept curled up on the floor of the farmhouse last night.

She stood and peered down at her hand where the white paper poked out. She unfurled her hand, but refused to look at the words again. Instead she shoved it in her pocket and fished out her car keys.

On shaky legs, she quietly closed the front door behind her and got in her car.

She didn't remember making the call to Phillip asking him to watch Emma for the rest of the day nor did she remember the long drive back into town as the sun rose over the town as it was waking up to start a new day. But she did remember the tap on her windshield and the familiar goateed smile of Josh Lewis peering in.

She methodically rolled down the window, “Care for some coffee?” He gestured behind him to Company.

“No…I,” she finally focused her eyes and realized she was sitting parked in front of the Springfield Police station. She glanced at the clock, unaware that an hour had passed as she apparently had sat in the parking lot unmoving. “I can't. I need to see Frank.”

He looked at her a little closer, noticing she had on the same denim jacket and clothes from yesterday. It was then he saw the dark circles and bloodshot eyes. “Hey, what's going on? Are you okay?”

She shook her head, tears coming hard and fast. Josh jerked the door open and pulled her into his arms. She buried her face in his shoulder and let herself break down.

“She's gone. She left me.” He held on tight as Olivia's body crumbled, falling back with a thump into the metal of the car door. He let her cry a while longer until the gasps and hiccups let up. He leaned back and pushed hair back off her damp face.

“Are you sure?” She nodded and pulled the note from her pocket. He read it, several times, before handing it back to her.

“Olivia, I…,” she raised her hand, not wanting his sympathy and empty condolences. She brushed angrily at the tears streaking her face as she fought to pull herself back together. “Why are you here to see Frank? I hate to say it, but it looks pretty self-explanatory.”

She made a final swipe at her nose with her jacket sleeve, “I have to try. This doesn't make sense. It doesn't fit. I just…if I could just talk to her.”

Josh knew desperation when he saw it and Olivia simply wasn't ready to accept that she was powerless right now. All he could do was be there for her.

“I can go in with you, if you want.” She shook her head. “At least let me go get you some coffee and bring it back. How about that?” She nodded her head at that and as he turned to walk away, she yelled for him to stop.

“Thanks!”

He smiled solemnly and nodded, “See you inside.”

*************
When the usually handsome face of Josh Lewis entered Company and leaned heavily against the bar with a sigh, Blake knew something was up. While some people considered her flaky, she was very adept at reading people, and right now, Josh was one worried little puppy.

“The usual, Josh?”

“No muffin this time, Blake. And make it two…really strong.”

She poured the coffee into the to-go cups and regarded his bowed head curiously, “Two strong ones, huh? I take it whatever has you unusually dour this morning isn't your personal problem?”

He ran a finger around the rim of one cup, deep in thought as to whether he should say anything or not. As a former minister, the oath to keep a person's confidence was hard to break, but this time, he thought he could use a little guidance of his own.

“I understand that Natalia recently started working for you.”

She leaned against the counter, “Yes, just a few days ago, in fact.”

“Has she…said anything about Olivia or their…relationship?”

Blake was silent for a moment and simply watched him, before responding. She shook her finger at him and then shook her head, “I don't believe it. You still have the hots for Olivia.”

He stood up straight, the shock of Blake's words catching him off guard, “No! I mean, yes. I mean, no. Yes, I still think she's beautiful, but no, I'm not inquiring for any intent of my own. Just…curious if Natalia's said anything about her.”

“Actually, she's said a lot about Olivia. She never seems to shut up about her.” She scrunched her eyebrows together, digesting that new piece of information. “In fact, she doesn't talk about anyone as much as she talks about Olivia.”

“But it's nothing bad? She never acted like she just wants to get away from Olivia or leave town.”

Blake leaned against the bar, bracing herself on one hand, “No, she's glowing of Olivia, thinks she hung the moon and stars. Always talks about how much fun they have together, going out to eat or having a movie night or some sweet thing that Olivia's done…for…”

The redhead's commentary died as realization hit her and she looked at Josh with amused shock, “No way!”

He merely pursed his lips in subtle acknowledgement. After Blake picked her jaw up off the floor, she picked up again, “This is a good thing though, right? Natalia needed someone to get her out of her shell. No one better than Olivia for that! Olivia needed someone to break through her tough exterior and soften her up a bit. Definitely a job for Natalia…oh my God! This so explains that wedding fiasco!”

Josh rubbed at his forehead, hoping that Blake's sudden involvement in the situation wasn't a huge mistake, “There's a problem though. Natalia's gone. Left a Dear Jane letter and all.”

“What? No, that's not like Natalia. I can't imagine she'd be that cold.”

He picked the two cups up and shrugged, “Seems she is. Anyway, thanks. I was hoping maybe you had some insight into Natalia that may help Olivia get over this.”

“Sorry. I really wish I did.”

“Yeah, me too.”

***********************
The sterile gray walls of the Springfield Police Department left Olivia feeling even colder inside than she already did. Institutional drugery was never Olivia's preferred life situation, and to have to enter this domain to face the one man in this town that perhaps hated her most of all, while facing a life crisis, wasn't top on her list of experiences she wanted to have.

She made a brief pit stop into the bathroom to wipe away the traces of mascara and eyeliner on her face and hopefully, somehow make her not look so pathetic, before heading to the front desk. She asked for Frank directly and was quickly shuttled to the back.

He looked up from a pile of paperwork with a grim look. She wasn't sure if it was because of her or just that the huge stack of papers had sucked his hope right out of him. Then she reminded herself that this is Frank Cooper. Institutional drugery makes his weekend's exciting so the constipated look on his face had to be from Olivia's presence. She mentally groaned a little at the irony that she was about to tell him something that would probably make him smile.

He tossed his pen to his desk and leaned back in his cheap industrial office chair, “So, what did I do to deserve this?”

She forced the words past her lips, “I need your help, Frank.”

“Okay,” he spoke the word slowly, stretching it out as if he didn't quite trust where this was going.

She took a deep breath, fighting down the tears that wanted to fall. She refused to cry in front of Frank Cooper! “Natalia's gone.”

He shook his head and leaned forward, propping his elbows on the metal desk, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, she's gone. Like, not here. Left for somewhere else,” her voice rose higher with each word and she quickly stopped and rubbed at the bridge of her nose. “I went to the farmhouse after the barbeque, and she wasn't there. Her cell phone was still there and still on, and there was a note.”

His eyebrows rose high on his head, “Oh, there was. Do you happen to have this note?”

She fished into her pocket and pulled it out to hand to him. He read it and handed it back. “I need to find her. She's never done anything like this before. It's not like her.”

“It's not? Natalia has a knack for running away when things get confusing or hard. I ought to know.”

She glared at him for the not-so-subtle innuendo, “That's not what happened here.”

He actually smirked at her then and she wanted to punch him, “Are you sure? 100 percent sure?”

She straightened her back and stood as Frank's smug smile followed her rising form. She then leaned over, propping one hand on his desk, her eyes glittering with danger. “I'm sure of one thing, Frankie. I never had a lover run from my arms crying after sex. How ‘bout you?”

Olivia grinned in triumph as Frank's face fell. They both turned suddenly as a voice cleared from behind Olivia. Josh stepped up and handed her the cup of coffee he had gotten at Company.

“So? Can you do anything to help out, Frank?”

He stood as Josh edged closer, “Unfortunately, not at this time. From the note, it appears that Natalia left of her own free will. I'm sure once she has some time to clear her head, she'll be back.”

Olivia rolled her eyes at the cop, “So much for loving her, huh Frankie? Thought you'd be a little concerned about her safety and welfare.”

“She's a grown woman. I'm sure she can take care of herself.”

“Useless.” Olivia walked purposefully from the precinct and when she got outside, the bright light from the warm spring day temporarily blinded her. She turned to see Josh coming outside.

He leaned against the car as Olivia struggled to find her keys at the bottom of her huge purse, “You okay?”

She finally found them and looked up at him. She scratched at the back of her neck, “No…no I'm not okay. I can't really think about it right now. I need to get Emma. Phillip's had her since yesterday afternoon.”

He tilted his head to the side, a slow lazy grin parting his rugged face, “Tell you what. How about I bring over some dinner tonight? I'll even get a chocolate milkshake for Emma.”

Olivia only debated it for a half second. It was just long enough for her to convince herself that she couldn't deal with being alone and really needed a friend right now. “Okay. See you at 7?”

He grinned at her as he walked backwards to his car, “See ya then.”

*****************
In the faint orange glow of the light, Natalia could see little around her, but the effect of the near darkness only intensified her other senses causing her to hear scraping of rats against the wall and the howl of wind outside, in spite of their being no windows visible. She pulled up her legs closer to body and huddled in the corner.

At some point, she must have dozed off because when she woke, she could make out the faint outline of something silver in front of her. She leaned closer and wearily touched a finger to the edge. It was a plate…with food.

She greedily grabbed at the plate and dug in with her fingers but hesitated at the last minute as she saw image after image from every horror movie she had seen flash before her eyes. “Oh no, I know better.”

“You should eat. You'll be here a while, and you really need to keep your strength up.”

Natalia scampered to her feet and banged on the door, “Hey! Who are you? What do you want?”

“In due time, Natalia.” She heard the shuffling of feet as they disappeared down the hallway.

“No! Wait! Hey!” She banged at the door frantically, but she heard nothing but the familiar scrape against the walls. She slid down against the wall again. When she reached in the general vicinity of the plate, she felt the gooey stickiness against her fingers and flung her hand in disgust.

“Great! Just great!”

************
Olivia smiled softly as Emma put Josh away on another game of “Go Fish.” The little girl was a shark, and Olivia couldn't help but laugh at the very familiar way that Emma wrapped Josh around her little finger. Charm, apparently, ran on the Spencer side of the family.

Then her smile faded. Spencer charm hadn't been enough to win Natalia's heart, and Natalia had been subjected to a double dose with her and Emma laying it on. Obviously, Natalia had the antidote in her blood because it wasn't anything for the dark-haired woman to walk out of their lives with only a short note to show for it.

Olivia went to Emma's room to get her clothes ready for bed, but she couldn't seem to talk herself out of looking at the note from Natalia for…honestly, she forgot how many times she had read it. But each time hurt more than the last and she didn't know why she kept subjecting herself to the pain.

Suddenly, a hand reached over her shoulder and pulled the paper from her grasp, “Hey!”

Josh held it up between two fingers, “Olivia, you have to stop torturing yourself.”

“She's barely been gone 48 hours, Josh. I can't just act like she never existed.”

“I know.”

She scrunched up the edge of her mouth, “I know you know.” She touched the side of his face seeing the ghost of his own unrequited love for Reva haunting his eyes.

“Anyway, I sent Emma to the kitchen to get some ice cream. You want some?”

She actually smiled a genuine smile, “Now you're talkin'!”

Two hours later, after the sugar from the ice cream had faded, Olivia exited Emma's bedroom. Josh sat on the couch across the room, both arms spread out on the back and the foot of one leg casually propped up on the knee of the other. He patted the cushion next to him before resuming his original position. She sighed as the events of the last couple of days settled down on her and she felt horribly drained. Wearily moving across the room, she flopped down on the couch next to Josh, who silently pulled her into a one arm hug.

“So, how did this happen with Natalia?”

“How did what happen?”

“Don't play coy, Olivia. I know you, remember. This falling in love thing.”

Olivia shrugged her shoulders, thinking back to when she first knew Natalia, when they fought over Gus then when she gave Natalia the growth chart of Rafe from their Chicago apartment at Christmas, the kiss after Emma's presentation. She shivered a little at the remembered sensation of Natalia's soft lips on hers and how she felt an immediate jolt of desire for the younger woman. She closed her eyes as she heard the frantic “Why?” in her head. She should have known then, and she should have just walked away. She didn't though and here she is being comforted by her ex-husband after her not-yet girlfriend ran off on her.

She shrugged again, realizing that Josh's question had been left hanging in the air, “I don't know. It just happened. It's like I can't remember a time when I didn't love her, even a little bit.”

They were both quiet for a while, until Olivia spoke up again, her voice softer, “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Go on, day in and day out, knowing that the one person you love more than anything else in the world is out of your reach, and that you may never have her again…ever.”

He was quiet for a long time. When she felt a shudder run through him, she looked up to see him squeezing his lips tightly together, his cheeks flushed red, “I just try not to think about it. But sometimes, it hits me, you know? Just out of the blue.”

“It never really stops?” She laid her head back on his shoulder, and she could sense him moving his head with a motion.

“No, it doesn't.”

She squeezed her eyes shut to force the tears out, before clearing her throat, “At least you know what it meant to love Reva completely though. You were even married to her…made love to her.”

Josh leaned back and looked down into the sad green eyes, “You and Natalia?”

She shook her head as more tears fell, “No, I was waiting…for her. I waited for her.”

He brushed the tear-moistened hair from her cheek, “Now that's a phrase I never thought I'd hear from you.”

Olivia actually chuckled a little, “Yeah, well, don't let it get around. I do have a reputation to protect.”

He pulled her into a tight hug, “Your secret's safe with me.”
*************

Natalia awoke with a start, her hands shaking and her heart beating wildly against her chest. For a moment, she couldn't remember where she was as a wave of nausea overtook her. She crawled to a corner and heaved up what little contents she had in her stomach.

Settling back in the far corner, she swiped a shaking hand at her forehead,c oming away with enough to drip from her fingertips. She wasn't hot, in fact, she was freezing, so much so that she was shivering. She pulled her knees to her chest in hopes of getting a modicum of warmth from her own body.

But as her body shook more, a knowing fear overtook her as she mentally processed the last few days and how her body had been reacting. When Rafe was little before he was diagnosed, she had panicked and raced him the emergency room at 2am because he had begun to shake so violently that she thought he was having a seizure. Turned out, his sugar level was dangerously low. He had come in from basketball practice that afternoon. They had a fight and he refused to eat so he went to bed hungry.

“This is not good.”

She raised her hand away from her body and quickly pulled it back as it jumped wildly without any effort on her part.

“Don't panic. Focus.” She took several slow, deep breaths, and her body gradually reacted to the commands.

She was kicking herself for turning down the food last night and would give anything to have something in front of her right now. Unable to do anything more, she continued to take deep breaths and eventually rested her head on her knees and began to pray. She prayed for many things at that moment. For Rafe to be okay. For Olivia to understand. Having never showed at the barbeque, she could only imagine the wild conclusions Olivia had drawn about her disappearance. Then it occurred to her that certainly Olivia would realize that she would never leave without a word. If not immediately, then eventually, Olivia would come to the conclusion that something terrible had happened. Wouldn't she?

Tears pricked at her eyes when she had a hard time convincing herself of Olivia's certainty. If she knew anything about the older woman, she knew she was terribly insecure about relationships. She had even said that she was always waiting for the other brick to come flying at her head.

“She probably thinks I just left her.” She leaned her head back against the cold stones and started praying anew for a whole other set of miracles.

At that moment, she heard a loud scrap and a bright light appear at the bottom of the door then a plate was slid in.

Natalia looked up at the dank ceiling above her, “Thank you.” This time, she didn't hesitate but ate what seemed the most appropriate for her under the circumstances, a small portion of rice, and then she slipped the roll and slice of ham under her shirt for safe keeping so she'd have it when she needed it.

***************

Chapter 5

Olivia awoke to a sharp poking on her shoulder and as she struggled to open her weary eyes, she saw her smiling daughter looking at her with a hint of trepidation. Emma knew her mom wasn't a morning person. She had waited five whole minutes before giving in and going to get her up.

“Mom, I gotta get to day camp.”

Olivia pushed herself up on the bed, “Oh, yeah. Right.” She looked at the clock realizing how behind they were, “Let me call the kitchen and have them make you a bagel sandwich or something. We can pick it up on our way out.”

Emma happily nodded her head, and skipped back to her room, “Okay!”

“Hey, did you get your backpack ready?”

“Yep.”

“Brush your teeth?”

“Yep.”

“You better, kiddo! I get a kiss goodbye and I don't want stinky kid breath.”

“Moooommmm!” Olivia laughed as she struggled to stand and stretched to get herself fully up. She looked at the now empty couch and smiled a small smile. It had been good to have someone like Josh to talk to for a change. She hadn't really had anyone to open up to about her and Natalia, and considering his situation with Reva, he had some pretty sage advice based his own personal experience.

She took the fastest shower in known history, and in ten minutes, they were headed out the front doors of the Beacon with Emma's sandwich in hand. Suddenly her daughter stopped mid-stride.

“I think I forgot something.”

Olivia was a tad exasperated, “Do you HAVE to have it today, ‘Bean?”

“Um, yeah, but I don't really need it until after lunch, and that's good ‘cause I think it's at the farmhouse anyway.”

Olivia tugged at Emma's hand, urging her on to the car, “Great! Well, what was it?”

“It's supposed to be something representing a time when we were happy. I was going to take the picture of us from Christmas, but I think it's still in my old room.”

She unlocked the doors and helped Emma get buckled in, then she kneeled down eye-level with her little girl, “Tell ya what. Since you don't need it until after lunch, I'll go out and get it for you, then bring it back in time for you to do whatever you got to do with it, okay?”

“Okay! I wish I could go with you though. I miss being there.”

Olivia pushed the hair back from Emma's face, “I know, baby. We just don't have time to run out there right now. Maybe another time.”

Emma nodded and Olivia stood to close the door. She ran her hands through her damp hair as she walked around the car. Well, this should make for another wonderful day!

**************
She cut the engine after sitting in the driveway for a few minutes. Even though it had only been a couple of days since she had last been here, it felt like an eternity. She stared at the walkway and porch, remembering sitting there with Natalia. The night she came up the walk and Natalia was waiting there, bathed in the moonlight. How that night had gone horribly wrong as she watched from a window as Frank proposed. Then the morning after the engagement party sitting on the bench and how absolutely stunning Natalia looked at that moment. They had joked a little and laughed, and she almost forgot why they were there to begin with. It had taken every ounce of strength she had to get through that party, but sitting on that bench, she found some small reserve that kept her from kissing Natalia and begging her not to go through with the wedding.

So many missed opportunities happened, or didn't happen, as the case might be, at the farmhouse, and Olivia regretting every second of hesitation she had ever felt. She should have kissed her that morning. She should have told Natalia not to accept that proposal. A lot of things she should have done and didn't do, that she regrets. She wasn't sure if it was better or worse to be like Josh and know fully what you're missing out on or to never know. Right now, though, she'd take her chances.

She exited the car and slowly walked up the steps, letting her fingers play over the wood of the banister Natalia had been leaning against that night. She could almost fool herself into believing it was still warm to the touch because of Natalia's heat.

She sighed and found her key to let herself in. After a couple of days of being closed up, the house was already getting a slightly stale smell to it. There were no sweet scents of baking cookies or evidence of movement. A fine dust was settling on the flat surfaces.

She took the steps slowly. She could see Natalia on the couch folding clothes. The woman loved to do laundry! Or maybe she was cuddled up under the blanket with Emma waiting for movie night to start. It was like nothing had changed in the house. Not an item was out of place, nothing disturbed. It was almost eerie, like a snapshot had been taken and Olivia was living in the picture. Nothing felt quite real.

The last thing Olivia saw before reaching the landing was a glint of Natalia's rosary hanging from the mantle. Olivia thought that odd since Natalia always takes her rosary with her when she leaves, but she shrugged her shoulders anyway thinking how none of this made any sense so why expect Natalia to follow any expected pattern of behavior.

Olivia went to Emma's old room and quickly found the picture she wanted since it was sitting on her old dresser, but as she exited and started to leave, she had an urge to go to Natalia's room. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew she shouldn't invade Natalia's personal space this way, but she couldn't seem to resist the pull.

She wrapped her fingers around the cold metal of the door knob and hesitated only a second, her other hand resting against the wood, as she wished more than anything that it had all been a bad dream and Natalia would be in her room, maybe taking a well-earned nap or reading a book. She cracked the door and immediately felt the overwhelming sensation of having Natalia near, the scent of the room so much like Natalia herself. Tears sprang to her eyes as she pushed the door open wider. Draped over the back of a chair in the corner was the shawl she had been wearing so often recently. It seemed like she was always cold lately even though it was the middle of summer. Olivia sat on the edge of the small bed, clutching at her mid-section as the tears came earnestly. It was like Natalia had vanished off the face of the earth. There was even a half drank cup of tea on her dresser and bills laying open to be paid.

Olivia buried her face in her hands. None of this made sense. Natalia had seemed so happy and ready for them to move forward. Why would she leave like this? She didn't want to believe that Frank and Rafe were right, that Natalia could never really be with her. She could see Natalia's determined and happy face declaring she didn't want to wait at the gazebo, and Olivia's heart soared, but it all plummeted back to the cold ground as she raised her now red eyes to survey the very empty room.

“Why Natalia? I don't understand. We were good, weren't we?”

She stood and went to the chair to pick up the shawl. She remembered the feel of it under her fingers as she fought the urge to clutch Natalia to her that day and kiss her.

“God, she looked so beautiful.” She raised the material to her face and inhaled deeply, closing her eyes, wanting to take the scent of Natalia as deep into her as possible.

She shook her head and knew she had to snap out of it. With deliberate movements, she folded the material in her hands and opened the closet to get a hanger. She found one in the overfilled space and pushed as much aside as possible when she noticed the stack of suitcases on the floor…all of her suitcases.

“What the hell? Who leaves without packing a suitcase?” She knew this was all the luggage Natalia owned because she took every single piece on the spa trip. Then something occurred to her, she stepped back and looked at the closet again. All of Natalia's favorite outfits were here. She quickly moved to a dresser and opened a drawer. Full of underwear and socks. She bolted from the room and ran downstairs. Opening the refrigerator door, she found what was once a fresh salad and marinating steaks. She moved to the dishwasher. Crusty dishes greeted her.

When she looked up, her panicked eyes landed on Natalia's Virgin Mary statue on the shelf. She went over and picked it up gently, “And I know she'd never leave without you. Please tell me I'm wrong. I can't believe I'd prefer that she ran away right now, but I'd take it compared to what I'm thinking.”

Olivia placed it carefully back on the shelf with shaking hands, and she found herself actually praying, “Please God…”

Maybe she was just crazy or too close to the situation. Maybe she just needed some perspective. She picked up her phone and dialed the first person she could think of.

“Josh? I need your help.”

************
When Josh pulled up to the farmhouse, Olivia was pacing on the porch, her hand over her chest tapping in an irregular pattern. Even from a distance, her face was red and he knew she had been crying. He jogged to the porch and took her arm, settling her to the bench.

“Hey, what's up? You okay?” He watched her rock slowly, fighting to catch her breath, her hand never stopping its steady tapping. “It's not your heart, is it?”

She shook her head and gasped, trying to push the words past her mouth, “I don't think she ran away. She was taken…against her will.” The tears started again and when she looked at him, he stepped back at the rage on her face. He had never seen her so upset, and he had seen Olivia upset plenty of times in his life, but this…this was the worst. He took both of her shaking hands in his and held them tight, even though she tried to pull away.

“Take a deep breath.” He watched her for a couple of seconds and when she didn't respond, he pushed her, “Do it, Olivia. Breathe.” She closed her eyes and slowly took in the first deep breath she had had in about thirty minutes. “Again.” Several more times she followed his instructions until her hands had nearly stopped shaking and he could actually start to see some green around her pupils.

“Good. Now slowly and calmly tell me why you think someone took her.”

She stood and took his hand, “Come here.”

She walked him through the house, pointing out all the little things she had noticed. He took it all in but turned to her at the stairs, “Olivia, if she panicked and was in a hurry, she may not have thought about taking care of these things.”

“It's not like her. She's…she's a freakin' neat freak. There's a dirty spoon and coffee cup in the sink. She never would have left that. She always washed the dishes before leaving the house, even if we're just taking Emma to feed the ducks!” Her voice had risen with each word out of her mouth and when she finished, she realized her hands were gesturing wildly and she was nearly screaming.

“Well, maybe she wasn't planning on being gone long. So she thought she'd just deal with it when she returned.”

“No.” She shook her head vehemently. She wasn't going to be talked out of this or convinced otherwise. Her gut told her something was wrong. She could feel it. Suddenly, she felt incredibly dizzy and she grasped at the banister. Josh reached for her free hand as she flopped to the stairs below.

“Okay, Olivia, you're letting yourself get too worked up over this. Come over here to the couch and sit down, just for a minute.” She followed him as he held her steady by the hand.

He got her settled, and then went to the fridge. He came back with a bottle of water. “Here, maybe this will help.”

Olivia raised her head out of her hands and took the bottle, “Thanks.” Then realizing something else, she stood to look at the thermostat. “She wouldn't have left it to run this cold when she wasn't here. She always puts it right at 72 when we leave.”

“Hey,” Josh got her attention and he motioned to her with a finger and at pat on the couch, “Here…now.” She walked over and dropped down on the cushions.

“I know I sound crazy, Josh. I can feel that something's wrong. I just know she's in trouble.”

He took a deep breath, not fully convinced just yet, “Okay, tell me other things you noticed.”

“Well, the big one was that she didn't pack a single thing to take with her. All of her suitcases are still in the closet upstairs and her drawers are full of clothes and underwear. Who do you know would leave without at least taking underwear or a…” In mid-sentence, Olivia bolted up the stairs and Josh wearily pulled himself up to follow.

He turned where Olivia had stopped. She stood in the bathroom with her hands on her hips, “Her toothbrush is still here.”

He nodded his head, “Okay, now I think I'm getting convinced.”

She threw up her hands, “Finally! So, what do we do?”

“We…oh no, WE don't do anything. WE call the police.”

Olivia rolled her eyes and brushed past him, “They're useless, Josh. You know that! Frank barely showed any emotion over her suddenly leaving. He probably thinks it's what I deserve for corrupting her or something.”

He had followed her down the stairs and they stood in the kitchen, just staring at each other, “That doesn't mean he can refuse to do his job if there's evidence to support your case. He'll at least have to check into it, especially now that it's been over 24 hours.”

“Fine…fine, we'll call him.”

As soon as she pulled her phone out of her pocket, there was a knock at the door. They shared a confused look before Josh reached over to open it. Rick stood there with his hand in mid-knock and then he just looked at them strangely and then looked back to make sure he had come to the right house.

“Hi.”

“Hey, Rick. What in the world are you doing out here?” Olivia had an appointment for her heart just last week so she knew it shouldn't be about that.

“Is Natalia home?”

Olivia scratched at the back of her neck, “No, actually. She's not.”

“Do you know where I can find her?” Rick persisted.

“Um, no. If we did, I'd be there too.” Olivia put her hands in her pockets, anxious for this conversation to end so she could call Frank and get to looking for Natalia.

“Okay, but I really need to find her. I've been calling her cell and getting no response. I thought I'd try just coming out instead.”

“Yeah, well. Good luck with that.” Olivia stepped back into the living room.

Rick looked at Josh oddly and he merely stepped aside, “You may want to come inside. It's a long story.”

They sat on the couch and recounted the whole tale to Rick and by the end, he was just as convinced.

“Did you call the police?”

“I was about to when you knocked.” Olivia fidgeted nervously, knowing time was wasting.

“Well, you may want to add a tidbit of new information to the case.” Olivia scrunched her eyebrows, confused by what he meant. “Considering the circumstances, I don't think this should be kept confidential under doctor-patient privileges.”

“What? What is it, Rick?” Olivia was exasperated.

“I got some test results back for Natalia. She has very dangerous sugar levels and if she's not treated immediately, the results could be…well, deadly.”

Olivia stood and started pacing. She put a shaking hand to her mouth, “She has diabetes.”

“Uncontrolled diabetes. Honestly, Olivia, she has some of the highest levels I've ever seen in a patient. I'm surprised she didn't have more symptoms before.”

“She's been under a lot of stress,” Olivia mumbled as she kept pacing.

“That doesn't help.”

She turned to look at Josh, and held out her hand with the phone in it, “We gotta…something…we can't…I can't,” she started to crumble, her legs giving out from under her, as Josh reached for her before she hit the floor.

Shortly, she came to with Josh and Rick hovering over her, “Well, ain't I the lucky girl?”

“Come on, McFiesty, sit up.” Josh helped her into a sitting position. She recalled what had gotten her on the floor in the first place, and she looked at him with a deep sadness in her eyes.

“I can't lose her, Josh. We have to find her.” Suddenly, she remembered what she needed to do, “Where's my phone?”

“Here.” She took it from him and dialed Frank's number.

“I can do this, Olivia. You don't have to…,” she raised a hand to cut her well-meaning ex-husband off.

“No, I do have to do this. Yeah, hi Frank, It's Olivia.”

**************
Natalia's eyes fluttered as she drifted somewhere between wakefulness and sleep. In her dream state, the cold floor no longer existed. Instead she rested back against Olivia's soft curves. Looking up, she saw the gently swaying leaves of the tree they sat under as they watched the ducks lazily swim across the lake.

She raised the hand wrapped around her waist, looked at it…studied it. She let her own fingers trace the length of each one, admiring the strength veiled by deceptively feminine hands. She slipped her own fingers between the webs of the other teasing at the nerves there. A soft moan at her ear ruffled her hair and she turned the hand over, running a finger along the life line in the middle that had a curious interruption halfway through, only to pick up again and not end until it reached the space between thumb and forefinger. Curiously, she looked at her own life line and holding it next to Olivia's saw the same odd blip at nearly the same location.

Olivia leaned her head over Natalia's shoulder, and Natalia held up their hands, “Look.” She pointed to the markings, “What do you think of that?”

Olivia turned Natalia's head with her free hand, “I think it means I've always loved you…always will.”

Natalia let go of Olivia's hand and turned in her arms. Soon she was straddling her hips and kissing her deeply. The hands Natalia had been admiring pulled her close and began to roam to find any vacant skin available. Deep inside, Natalia felt the pull, like an invisible cord that drew her closer to Olivia instinctively. So many times she had felt it when Olivia looked at her for too long and when she couldn't hide what she was feeling, but she couldn't admit until recently that this longing and need had been there far longer than either of them had cared to admit. Probably as far back as Gus' death.

The brunette whimpered as the dream began to fade, the harsh reality of her new world stinging her bare skin, as she struggled to hold on to the feelings her dream brought. She didn't open her eyes. She refused to, refused to believe that she'd never feel Olivia touch her again or that they'd never kiss again. Instead, she squeezed her eyes shut tight, tears falling freely, as she replayed the dream images over and over again, and making up those that faded from her consciousness.

**************

He had barely pulled all the way into the driveway and shut his car off when he saw Olivia barrel down the front steps of the farmhouse, heading in a direct line for him. Josh Lewis and and Rick Bauer were tight on her heels. This wasn't going to be pleasant and he could feel his self-protective mode kicking in. He managed to get out of the car by the time Olivia got to him.

“She's gone. She's gone and you have to do something about it.” She put her hands on her hips, fighting to control herself. She wanted nothing more than to smack the clueless look off his arrogant face.

He sighed and looked at her like she was a child. It made her nostrils flare, and she clenched her fists to hold down her anger. “We've talked about this Olivia. You just need to accept it, she left.”

“No, she didn't.” She pointed over his shoulder. “Her car's still here.”

“She could have called a cab.”

Olivia ran her fingers through her hair, “Her clothes are still here.”

He shrugged, “She thought she'd do some shopping while she's gone.”

She stepped back and shook her head. When she turned and acted like she was walking away, Frank let out a long sigh, glad that was easier than he thought it would be. He turned to get back in his car when a hand came out of nowhere and banged on the roof. He jumped and turned back to see a very livid Olivia Spencer in his face.

“What are you, some freakin' idiot? Is that the best you got? Shopping? Seriously, Frank, no wonder she left you if the best image you have of a woman is baking cookies and shopping to reduce stress. Her car's here. Her clothes are here. Even her freakin' toothbrush is here, not to mention her son, her job, her dead husband, and everything else that ever mattered to her, but the best you can come up with is she's shopping. No wonder you all can't figure out who killed Edmund!”

She had Frank pinned between herself and the car and only seemed to be inching closer when Frank yelled back, “She left a note, Olivia! She left you! Can't you just accept it? I did.”

“No. No, I can't and I won't. She didn't leave me Frank. I know it. I just…I feel it. Please…”

“I can't.”

“Frankie, she's sick and she doesn't know it.”

Rick recognized his cue and stepped up, “It's true. She came in for tests the other day when she wasn't feeling well, and she has diabetes. She's in a very acute, untreated phase of it right now. We need to find her.”

Frank threw up his hands, “I'm sure if she starts feeling too bad, she'll go to a hospital.”

She clenched her jaw, determined not to cry anymore in front of Frank. Instead she turned and walked back into the house, slamming the door hard enough to crack one of the panes.

Frank, Rick, and Josh stood looking at the house. None of them daring to approach Hurricane Olivia at the moment. Josh finally turned to Frank, “You're one hardheaded son of a bitch, aren't you? What if you're wrong?”

“I'm not.”

“Or maybe you just like seeing Olivia miserable.” Josh looked to Rick, “I'm going to go check on her. Thanks for telling us about this.”

“If you need anything…,” Josh nodded his acknowledgement and gave Frank a withering glance as he turned back to go inside.

Frank called to Rick as he walked to his car, “Is it that bad?”

“Let's just say that I pray to God you're right.” Rick got into his car and left Frank in the driveway.
***********

Josh poked his head around the corner into the living room. Olivia was curled up on the couch, a pillow in her lap and her knees drawn up. Her face was hidden in the pillow and from the shake of her shoulders, Josh could tell she was crying again.

He came up and put a hand on her shoulder, “Hey, it'll be okay. We'll find her.”

“You still believe me?” She sounded so small and scared that his protective urge kicked in and he came around to give her a tight hug.

“Absolutely!”

She sniffed into his shoulder, “Thanks.”

He smiled, “You're welcome.”

“Can you do me favor?”

He leaned back and brushed at the tears on her face, “Why not? I'm on a roll today.”

She smiled in spite of her pain, “Could you take this to Emma at day camp? I was supposed to take it to her, but I don't want her to see me like this.”

“Sure, no problem. Do you want me to take you back to the Beacon?”

She leaned the side of her head against the couch, “Actually, I think I'm going to stay here for a little while.”

“Are you sure that's a good idea?”

“Yeah, it helps. I feel closer to her here, and right now, I really need that.”

He nodded his head in understanding. He had lost track of how many times he had hovered outside Cross Creek for the exact same reason. “Okay, but call me if you need anything. I'll swing back by after dropping this off.”

“Okay.” He kissed her on top of the head and left.

Olivia waited until Josh had left to sink down into the couch. She rolled on her side and buried her face against the back cushions. The tears started anew and she squeezed her eyes shut tight against the mantra running through her head “she left you…she left you…she left you.”

She punched at the offending cushion in front of her imagining Frank's face there instead.

*****************

Frank pulled up to the parking lot of his small apartment and spotted Rafe sitting on a bench, nursing a beer. He walked up to the younger man and jerked the bottle out of his hand.

“What the hell are you thinking?”

“Dude, what's wrong? I just wanted a beer. It's not like I've finished off the pack or something. I just…needed something,” he mumbled.

Frank sighed and sat down next to him on the bench, “I understand, believe me, but think about it before you do this. You're sitting out in broad daylight, outside the apartment of a police officer and your mentor, drinking and you're only 19.”

Rafe shook his head, “Hey, I'm sorry, man. I didn't think.”

“Don't worry about it.”

They sat for a couple of minutes in silence before Frank finally spoke up, “Hey, um…can I ask you something…about your mom?”

He shrugged at the out of place question, “Sure, yeah, I guess.”

“Did she ever, I don't know, just flake out on you when you were a kid? Like take off or anything like that? Or take off on her job?”

He scrunched his bushy eyebrows together, thinking, “No, she's always been like a rock. She rarely missed a day of work. She even took me with her once when I had the flu. I curled up on a booth seat while she waited tables, but she had no choice. It was the weekend so the doctor's weren't open anyway, and we had no one to take care me. We were short on money that month so she worked double shifts nearly every day just so she could pay the rent.”

“So she wouldn't just take off if she got stressed?”

Rafe chuckled a little at this, “No. Definitely not!” After a short pause and watching the thoughtful look on Frank's face, Rafe let his curiosity get away with thim, “What's this about, Frank?”

“Nothing. It's probably nothing. I just needed to know.”

“I don't buy that.” Frank looked into the dark eyes of this troubled young man, seeing the stubborn determination inherited from his mother. With a sigh, Frank fessed up.

“I'm sure you heard the rumors about your mom leaving Olivia.”

“Yeah, finally! I'm glad she wised up about that crap.”

Frank looked down, noticing that he had peeled the entire label from the bottle and didn't even realize it, “What if we're wrong? What if she didn't willingly leave?”

“What are you talking about?” Rafe turned to him to fully follow his reactions and comments.

“I just talked to Olivia, and she seems to think that Natalia didn't willngly leave.”

“Someone took her?”

“I honestly don't know, Rafe. Olivia has a lot of evidence to support her but…”

The young man stared at him intently, “But what?”

“Olivia's always been a master manipulator and she knows exactly what to say to get someone to jump through her hoops. I just…,” he breathed a heavy sigh, “I just don't know what to think.”

*************

Olivia drifted in and out of sleep, waiting for Josh to return, until she finally succumbed to the exhaustion the past few days had taken on her.

She was standing in the gazebo, a huge smile on her face, as she watched Natalia walk up from her car. The dark jacket and pants hugging her in all the right places, her hair hanging down a little in her eyes, making Olivia's fingers itch to want to brush it back. Her heart skipped a little when Natalia looked up at her and smiled. She gave Olivia a little wave as she adjusted the basket in her hands.

“So, what have you got there?” Olivia tried to peek into the basket as Natalia playfully swatted at her hand.

“No peeking. It's a surprise.” Olivia smirked and stepped closer into Natalia's space, a thrill running along her spine as Natalia's dark eyes drifted down to her mouth.

“I want to see now. I don't want to wait.”

Natalia leaned her head to the side, smiling expectantly at her, “Are you sure?”

“No more waiting.”

“Okay,” Natalia bit her lip and raised the lid on the basket.

Olivia gasped when she saw the small velvet box sitting in a bed of white satin. She looked up into Natalia's eyes and knew what was inside without even opening it.

“I don't want to wait, Olivia. I want you to be my wife.”

Olivia put a hand to her mouth in an attempt to hold back her happy tears, but there was no use. Instead, she just wrapped her hands in Natalia's beautiful hair and pulled her close into a long, sweet kiss. When they pulled back, they were both crying and wiping tears from each other's face.

“I take it, that's a ‘yes'?”

“Yes,” Olivia nodded, “definitely, yes.”

Natalia looked at her shyly, “Want to try it on?”

Olivia nodded, unable to talk. Natalia took the little box out and set the basket down. When Natalia opened the box, Olivia's face fell. Nestled inside the box wasn't the ring she was expecting, but the red and gold family crest from San Cristobel. She looked up and Natalia had disappeared. Her car wasn't in the parking lot. The little black box was gone from her hand. The only thing besides her in the gazebo was the cooler Natalia was going to bring to the barbeque.

With a start, Natalia woke up. Her face was streaked with tears and when she remembered the look of joy and hope on Olivia's face as she opened the box change to despair, her tears started again. She curled herself tighter into a ball on the cold concrete and rocked herself back to sleep.

Olivia jumped off the couch, her eyes wild and searching. Without thinking, she ran out the back door to the barn and flung open the doors. On the floor of the barn was the same cooler from her dreams, and in a panic, she scrambled up the steps to the upper level of the barn. When she sees the blanket, lantern and other personal items strewn haphazardly in the corner, she falls to her knees crying.

“No! No, no, no, no,” she runs her hands along in the hay, in, under, and around the blanket searching for any sign of what she knows to be true, until she jerks her hand back at a sharp stab. Buried in the palm of her hand is the red and gold family crest, same as in her dream.

She pulls it from her hand and stares at it, her face shifting from fear to rage, “You son of a bitch! I swear to God if anything happens to Natalia, I'll kill you with my bare hands.” She barreled down the steps to the house for her phone. She frantically dialed the number.

“Josh, get back here…NOW! I know what happened to Natalia.”

******************

Chapter 6

Josh ran his hands through his hair as he paced in the kitchen, “Edmund…are you sure?”

Olivia turned from the sink where she had washed her hand and was now putting medicine on her injured palm. She motioned with her head to the small lapel pin sitting on the kitchen table.

“You were there too. You know what the crest looks like. Does it look legit to you?”

“Pretty damn, legit.”

She tossed the bloody piece of cotton into the garbage and replaced the medicine in the cabinet before turning back to Josh.

“Who else could it be but Edmund? Richard's dead, so…”

“Yeah, yeah. You're right. I know you're right. This is just too crazy. I thought Edmund was dead.”

“Guess he wasn't. From the looks of all the belongings left in the barn loft, he's been hiding there a while.” She shivered, getting a creepy feeling running up her spine just knowing he had been so close to Natalia all that time, probably even watching her coming and going from the house. She thought about anything else he may have seen, sneaking around the house, and it made her blood boil.

“So, what are we going to do?” Olivia crossed her arms.

Josh spun and looked at her, “We?”

“Yeah, we. I'm going to find her.”

“Find her! Olivia, you have no idea even where he's taken her, and besides, it's too dangerous. What if you do find her…and him? What then?”

She banged on the counter, “I'll kill the bastard! That's what I'll do.”

“Not if he kills you first,” Josh muttered and Olivia fought back tears. “We'll tell Frank. Now that you have evidence, we can let them take care of it. They need to know Edmund's alive anyway.”

She shook her head, “No. They couldn't find their own asses with both hands. No, I can't trust Natalia's life to those incompetent losers. Look, I'm doing this, and you can help me or not, and I don't blame you if you won't. But I'm doing this.”

His shoulders fell and he flopped down into one of the kitchen chairs, “Fine. So where do we start?”

“The storage room at the Beacon,” he looked at her strangely. “That's where I stored some drawings of the grounds of the castle on San Cristobel, and I'd be willing to bet the Beacon that's where he took her.”

Josh grabbed up his keys, “Let's go then.”

************
An hour later, they had the drawings of the grounds spread out over Olivia's bed. Josh studied and searched for external entrances into the castle, making notes here and there. Olivia stood over his shoulder making comments about things she remembered, secret passages and good hiding spots. She racked her brain trying to think of good places someone could be hidden. Occasionally, she'd point to a spot and comment, and Josh would make a note on the paper.

She finally looked at her watch, “Oh, it's almost 4 o'clock. I need to get Emma, and I need to stop by Phillip's on the way. Can you…?”

“Don't worry. I'll keep up the search here.”

“Thanks!” She gave him a kiss on his stubbly cheek and left.

Fifteen minutes later, she pulled up to the Spaulding estate and knocked on the door. Hilda let her in and went to find Phillip.

“Olivia! It's good to see you. Are you…is everything okay?” He noticed how she fidgeted even standing still and knew something was up. “Is Emma okay?”

“Emma's fine, but it is about her…about all of us, really.”

He chuckled a little, “Oookkkaayy.”

“Can we sit? We really need to talk about something.”

“Sure!” They sat down on the ornate and terribly uncomfortable sofa in his study. She turned to him, thinking about the best way to say this.

“Um, I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it. I think Natalia's been kidnapped. No, no…I know she has and I'm going to find her.”

Phillip shook his head, unbelieving, “What? How…when?”

“Before the barbeque, I think. She never showed up, just disappeared, but there's evidence to suggest she has been kidnapped…by Edmund.”

“Oh my God…but I thought Edmund was dead.”

Olivia scoffed, “As if that means anything in this town!”

He nodded his head, “Don't I know it! What about the police? Shouldn't they be going after him?”

“They're useless. I've tried to convince Frank of what happened, and he won't listen. I think he's just enjoying me being in pain.” She sighed and rubbed at the bridge of her nose. “I just can't let anything happen to her, and I can't sit waiting for someone else to do their job. I also found out from Rick that she's very sick. She has diabetes, and she's not aware of it. No telling if Edmund's even feeding her, if he hasn't already killed her. I can't take that chance. I just…”

Tears welled up in her eyes and she stood, turning away from Phillip. She brushed away the tears as he came up behind her and turned her around to hug her. At first she was stiff and cautious, but eventually it all became too much and she started crying again. If it hadn't been for Natalia, he'd probably be dead right now and she'd be in jail for his murder. Instead, because of Natalia, she about to do something she never thought she'd do.

She pulled back from him and looked him in the eye, “You have to make me a promise, Phillip. If neither Natalia nor I come back, I want you to raise Emma, but please, whatever you do, do NOT let Alan get his claws in her. Promise me.”

He didn't know what to say, except what was without question, “I'd kill him before I'd let Alan hurt her.”

She hugged him again then, “Thank you.”

“But you have to know something before you fully commit to this.”

She sighed and stepped away from him, knowing anything with Phillip couldn't come without conditions, “What?”

“I'm…I'm not well either. In fact, I've got an incurable disease. I only have a few months.”

She looked at him incredulous, “What?”

“Nobody knows, except Ed Bauer and now you,” she sat back down, heavily, on the sofa, trying to wrap her head around the situation. “It's ironic you'd mention custody. I talked to Mel and had her draw up some papers giving Natalia my parental rights. When she didn't show up at the barbeque, I just assumed you two broke up so I didn't say anything.”

“This is…that's…God, Phillip, this is too much!”

“I know,” he sat back down next to her and took her hand, “The bigger question though now is what happens to Emma if none of us make it out of this alive?”

She looked at him, tears on the verge of fallng, “I have no idea.”

“I think I do.”

****************

Ten minutes later, Olivia hung up her phone and turned to look at Phillip.

“Mel will be over at the Beacon with the paperwork ready later this evening. I told her to come late so Emma would be asleep. I don't want her knowing about this.”

“Ava's a good option.”

She nodded her head, “Better than Sam. I love my brother but he's always up and moving all the time. At least Ava's more settled.”

She ran her fingers through her hair and blew out a frustrated breath, “I can't believe all of this is happening. Natalia's kidnapped. Edmund's alive. You're dying.”

He laughed, “Feels like we're stuck in a crazy soap opera, huh?”

“At least in soaps, no one's ever really dead.” She looked at him sadly, remembering all the good and definitely not good times. “I'm sorry for acting so horrible to you, especially when you came back.”

Phillip had finally told Olivia about Alan being the one to stalk and torment her, all the while pretending it was him. Olivia was furious at Alan but disappointed in herself. She had spent so much of her life assuming the worst in people, and this time her bad habits and the need to protect herself from hurt had pulled Emma away from her father, a father that was now going to die. She fought back the tears again, hating herself for causing Emma to lose this time she'd never get back with Phillip.

He raised his hand, “Don't. You were protecting Emma, and for that, I'm grateful.”

She threw her hands up, “And now it's your turn. At least you'll get to spend plenty of quality time with her while I take care of this.”

He shrugged his shoulders, “It'll never be enough time.”

“No…no, it won't.”

******************

When she pulled up to the building of Emma's day camp, she felt the conflicting emotions of elation and sadness warring inside her. She was excited to see her bubbly little girl, but she feared this could be the last time she'd have with her. She was torn. Part of her knew this was madness to go searching for Natalia with no one but Josh on her side. She put everything at risk, herself and Natalia, and it could leave Emma without any parents at all. The other part of her couldn't fathom not going to find the woman she loved and bring her home so they could all finally be a family together, the way it was meant to be. It was that feeling that stuck with her. The rightness of their home and family that convinced her that they'd all get through this alive. They had to because if they didn't, then the rightness she felt now would never be.

She let out a heavy sigh, put on her best game face, and walked to the door to get Emma. All she had to do was get through the next few hours.

“Mommy!!!!” Emma came barreling out of the back room with all kinds of arts and crafts in her hand.

Olivia picked her up and propped her on her hip with practiced ease, “Hey Bean! Whatcha got there?”

“We made ducks out of popsicle sticks! Do you like it?”

She tweaked her daughter's nose, earning a giggle, “What is it with you and ducks,huh? What about the picture that Uncle Josh brought you?”

“Oh, we didn't get to that today. We'll do it tomorrow.”

“Oh, okay. You ready to go?”

“Yep!”

“Cool beanies. Let's jet, kiddo!”

Once they were settled in the car and on the road, Olivia peeked at her smiling daughter in the rearview mirror. She never prayed, but at that moment, she took a lesson from Natalia and asked God to always let her be this happy…and she made sure to tack on to keep her safe too. God knows what she would have done if Emma had wandered into that barn and ran across Edmund! She shuttered just thinking about it.

“So, baby, what do you want for dinner tonight? Pizza or burgers, and we can have ice cream after we watch a movie?”

“Ohhhh, pizza…definitely pizza! But why movie night tonight? We usually don't have one during the week, only the weekends.” Her daughter quizzed.

“Well, tonight's special because I have to leave in the morning to take care of some big, important business, and I won't be here this weekend.”

“Oh…where will you be?”

Olivia hesitated, not really prepared for a full-blown lie, and eventually picked something Emma wouldn't think much of, “The Catskill Mountains in upstate New York. There's an old, historic building that's been renovated and looks like it would make a great hotel. I was thinking about expanding there.”

Emma shrugged, not really caring about grown up work stuff, “Oh, okay.”

“The good news is that you'll get to stay with your daddy for a while. What do you think about that?”

“Yayyyyy!!!!” Emma did a happy dance in her seat and Olivia laughed at her antics, thankful that this part of the plan was going off without a hitch.

Olivia carefully pulled out her phone, “Hey Bean, what do you think about Uncle Josh joining us for pizza?”

“Sounds good to me. Wish it was Natalia though. I miss her.”

Olivia swallowed and hit the speed dial button, “I do too, baby.” Several rings later, she heard the familiar, flirty tones of Josh drifting across the line, “Hey! We're on our way. Think you can put away work for a little while, you know…hide it, and maybe join Emma and I for pizza and a movie? Okay, great! See you then.”

“He said he'd be thrilled to have two beautiful ladies as his dinner dates.” Emma giggled, making her smile.

When they arrived at the Beacon, she shuffled Emma off to the bathroom to wash up, while she called for pizza, and right on cue, there was a knock on the door.

“Well, long time, no see.”

Josh poked his head around, looking for Emma, “She's in the bathroom.”

“Oh, good. Everything's hidden in the closet, very appropriate don't ya think, so don't let her go in there. How did things go with Phillip?”

She closed the door behind him, “Oh great! The custody talk went off without a hitch, except he's…” she looked around to make sure water was still running in the bathroom, “dying.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah, that kind of threw a kink in the plan, but Mel's coming by later with some paperwork, long after Emma will be in bed so she'll know nothing about it.” She touched her hand to his, “We'll talk more after she's in bed.”

Josh was still a bit shell-shocked but nodded, “Yeah, sure.”

*****************

Natalia struggled to open her eyes. She felt like she had been sleeping for days and probably had. With no light and no windows, she had no idea if it was day or night, and she had lost track of the days. For a while, she had gauged how long she had been there by the number of plates of food that had been passed through her door, but at one point she knew she slept through some of the meals. All she had heard was the scraping of metal on concrete, but it felt like her whole body was full of lead, making her unable to move.

Suddenly, the door to her prison flew open and a bright light blinded her. Almost as quickly her world went dark again as a cover was put over her head and she was roughly pulled up and out of the room. The slightly fresher air was a relief from the pungence of her own quarters and she took it in deeply.

She wasn't sure where she was being taken, and she tried to make sense of taking lefts or rights and how many steps she walked. Unfortunately, she was being moved so fast and her reflexes were so stunted that she couldn't keep up. Wherever she was going, she was tripping over debris in the way and once she fell and scraped her thigh deeply.

Eventually, the movement stopped and she was forced to sit in a chair. Her hands were roughly bound behind her. Then a door screeched open and closed again. A long silence followed.

“Hello?”

Nothing.

Continued in Chapter 7