Streaks of color, two sets of tinted blur moving in opposite directions, raced down a four lane highway as cars and trucks hurried along toward their destinations. The drivers kept their full concentration on the road ahead and not on the various stores that littered the two access roads running alongside the busy freeway. They paid no notice to a cream-colored building that stood alone, extending from one end of a city block to another, nor the wall next to its entrance which sported two red and one white alternating concentric circles, painting a very accurate facsimile of a huge…
“Target?!?!?” exclaimed Olivia Spencer as she crept slowly along the center aisle of the filled to capacity parking lot. “We have a perfectly good Target in Springfield, Doris. I thought we came to North Carolina to shop for furniture. Where are all the furniture outlets?” She eyed a couple who seemed to be taking their sweet time as they walked toward her car and figured she may as well take advantage of a parking space close to the store, even if she had no intention of actually getting out of the car.
Glancing in her rearview mirror, she spotted a truck right on her bumper. There was no way she could back up should the couple's coveted parking space be located alongside or behind her car.
“I want to be the subject of one of those in-depth character study fics. It's my turn, damn it!” Doris willed the couple to stop at one of the cars in front of them and snarled when they abruptly stole between two compact cars and headed for the adjacent aisle. “Even if I have to share the spotlight with you and Natalia.”
Natalia, who'd been sitting quietly in the passenger seat, had also been wondering why their impromptu road trip to Target had been necessary. She'd fully expected to be mining for emeralds by now as, according to Doris, Emerald Hollow Mine was the only mine in the states open to the public for prospecting. The mayor of Springfield had enticed her with the possibility of finding an emerald the color of Olivia's eyes.
A frown of intense concentration marred Natalia's lovely features as she began to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Doris's preoccupation with character studies and the realization of the significance of their present location snapped together like a pair of custom-designed Legos. She angled in her seat to get a better view of both Olivia and Doris, the latter of whom had poked her head between the seats to focus on the store's entrance.
“Olivia, why haven't we been featured prominently in a cross-country road trip? Natalia asked, a hint of accusation in her tone. She folded her arms across her chest and stared at her lover.
Olivia rested her wrist on top of the steering wheel and stared back. “What would you call this little adventure we're on right now?”
Natalia just shook her head. This trip wasn't anywhere near the same as a well-conceived, brilliantly told story. “First, we haven't really traveled cross-country and, second, no one knows about this trip or any of its events but us. Having to share a hotel room with Doris, trying to change a flat without a spare and then having the tow truck guy practically drool all over you, a highway patrolman threatening to arrest Doris for attempting to bribe him to get you out of a speeding ticket, spilling coffee on my new silk blouse when you thought it would be fun to peel out of that gas station's gravel drive, watching Doris consume half of a coconut cream pie…”
“Hey!” Doris protested. “It was only two pieces.” Granted, it had been two very large pieces but had the area of each sector been measured and added together the resulting total would indeed be smaller than the area of half a pie, only slightly, but smaller nonetheless. “And who are you to talk? If it wasn't for me, you'd probably still have your big toe stuck in the hotel tub's faucet.”
Healthy-looking cheeks turned even healthier-looking as pink infused its way up Natalia's neck to settle in on her cheekbones. “Yes, well, I've already thanked you for that.” She hurried to change the subject, not wanting to know then and certainly not wanting to know now why Doris had just happened to have a tube of K-Y Jelly in her travel bag. “We need to concentrate on finding Fewthistle.”
“Fewthisle?” Olivia asked, an elegant eyebrow arching in surprise. “That's why we're here?”
“Yes,” said Doris, her eyes back on the store's entrance. “We need to try to coerce her into writing a story for me... a juicy one. One that delves deep into my psyche and one that turns into an epic.”
Throwing her head back against the padded headrest, Olivia laughed out loud. She knew full well that no one coerced Fewthistle into anything the writer hadn't already intended to do. She did live in the woman's head, after all. Hell, she'd been one of very few characters that had Fewthistle actually penning words in the heat of summer, a rare feat indeed. Everyone knew that the writer hated hot weather with a passion, however, she had written words... lots and lots of words... with Olivia as their sole focus.
“Good luck with that,” Olivia said with a chuckle, but her good humor vanished almost immediately with the sound of a truck horn blaring from behind her. “Shut up, asshole,” she immediately retorted, taking a moment to lower her window in order to thrust a one-finger salute high into the air before she finally inched her car forward.
“Hey, look!” Natalia said, gesturing toward the end of the aisle and the primo, number one parking space of the row. “That woman is leaving.” She grinned as she glanced in the side-view mirror at the truck behind them. The guy was none too happy, but she didn't care. Olivia's smile was back in full force as she eased ahead and waited for an ancient, beat-up yellow Corolla to back out of its space.
Putting on her blinker, Olivia took more time than necessary to pull into the empty space, chuckling under her breath when the truck honked again as it wheeled around to the next aisle. “I do love to tease the locals.”
“Yeah, well forget about teasing any of them for now. We're on a mission,” Doris said, reaching for the door handle. “If Fewthistle's not here, we'll just have to check out the other stores in the area.”
Olivia completely forgot about her intentions not to leave the confines of her car as she pushed the door open and grinned widely. “I don't think we'll need to go anywhere else.” The dark teal colored Grand Prix she'd spotted parked under the shade of a tree earlier hadn't registered until Doris had mentioned Fewthistle. Olivia really should've put two and two together when she'd spied the Hillary stickers and especially the prominently displayed ‘1/20/09 Bush's Last Day' sticker, but she'd been too focused on looking for the large furniture outlet Doris had gone on and on about.
“Whew, it's hot,” Natalia complained when the outside heat rushed into the car the second she opened her door. “I hope the store has a good air-conditioning system.” Climbing to her feet, she shouldered her purse and pushed the door closed. She swept a lock of hair behind her ear and started for the entrance, suddenly very grateful that the emerald dig was just a ruse. She was certain she'd have melted in the intense heat.
Doris leapt from the car and moved ahead of the couple. “Let's get inside and then we can figure out how we want to go about finding Few.”
“So it's Few now, huh?” Olivia said, taking Natalia's hand and following Doris toward the door. She glared at a passer-by who'd given her a less than friendly look but continued with her line of thought, her voice taking on a teasing tone. “If you're such good friends, then why the frantic search?”
“Shut up, Olivia,” Doris grumbled as she stepped into the store and instantly sighed in relief at the feel of cool air rushing in around her. “Now, how do you think we should work this? Stay together or split up?”
Natalia shrugged. “We could cover more ground if we split up.” She looked down at her hand nestled comfortably inside Olivia's. If they were to split up, she'd have to let go. “Or we could stay together and be more precise in our search.”
“I like the idea of being precise,” Doris said with a firm nod, glancing around the store and wondering where they should start their search. She zeroed in on a sign promoting beauty products and made a decision. “Let's head over there,” she gestured toward the aisle and made a beeline for the Neutrogena products, figuring she may as well take advantage of their search to get a little shopping done.
“Oh look, Olivia, Softsoap body wash!” Natalia tugged her lover past Doris and came to a stop in front of shelves and shelves of body wash products. “Wow, there's a much better selection here than at the Target at home.”
Olivia eased her hand from Natalia's and reached for a bottle that claimed to contain almond oil and shea butter. She flipped the lid and inhaled deeply. “This smells wonderful.”
“Try this,” Natalia suggested, having followed Olivia's lead to pick a scent. She watched with more than a curious interest as her lover leaned toward her and gently cupped her hand.
Closing her eyes, Olivia breathed in the scent, her nostrils instantly filling with the fruity smell of pomegranates and mangos. She slowly opened her eyes and smiled. She couldn't wait to experience the scent on Natalia's fair skin. “Let's buy them all.”
Natalia snagged an abandon cart and chuckled. “Good idea.” Her thoughts had moved along the same path as Olivia's, her mouth watering at the prospect of sharing the body wash the next time she showered with her lover. The alluring scent would surely enhance the encounter, unlike the one time when she'd accidently nailed Olivia in the mouth with a bottle of conditioner. That had been the last time the couple had tried to save time and water by showering together. From then on, their shared showers had been purely hedonistic in nature.
“Damn it!” Doris exclaimed as she once again scanned the contents of the shelves. There wasn't a sign of Neutrogena original scent anywhere, not even an empty space where it should've been. She hoped it wasn't an omen for how successful she'd be in finding Fewthistle.
“What's wrong, Doris?” Olivia placed the last of the Softsoap into her cart and turned her full attention to her friend. It was imperative that they hurry and find Fewthistle. The sooner the better, too. Then Olivia could find a hotel – with two rooms this time - and try out the scented body wash with Natalia.
Doris blew out a cleansing breath and refocused on her main objective. “Nothing's wrong. I was just thinking that maybe we should fan out in case Fewthistle slips past us.”
“Okay, we can do that.” Olivia checked her watch. “What time should we meet back at the entrance?” She wanted to suggest five minutes but figured she should at least appear interested in helping Doris.
“I'd say if we don't find her in an hour then we're not going to,” Doris said, readying to synchronize her watch with her two friends. “I'll take the center of the store. Olivia, you take the right and Natalia, you go left. We'll meet back here in an hour.”
Olivia sighed in defeat at hearing how much time she'd have to wait to work Natalia into a lather – with the body wash, of course - and started to walk away. She'd only taken a few steps when Doris called out to her.
“Olivia, you need to tell us what Fewthistle looks like.”
“Blonde with blue eyes,” Olivia reported as she once again turned to head toward her assigned area but again halted her steps at the sound of her name. This time it was Natalia who had something to say to her. Olivia planned to count the interruptions as part of their hour.
“Olivia, that's not much to go on.”
“Well, it's all I've got. I've only seen the inside of her head.”
“Then how do you know she's blonde and blue-eyed?” asked Doris, confusion clearly set on her features. Her plan to find the writer was quickly unraveling into tiny pieces.
Olivia looked first at Natalia and then shrugged. “I read it somewhere?”
“Great! Just great!” Doris put her hands on her hips and widened her stance. “What am I supposed to do now? She could very well walk right past us and we'd never know it.”
“I've heard her voice,” Olivia piped up, offering hope to the other woman. “She usually reads parts of her stories out loud.”
“Okay, that's a start. We'll just have to hope that we catch her talking to a salesclerk.” Doris figured the odds of that happening were slim to none, but at least they had something to go on. “We'll need to stay together then. It's just too bad she doesn't talk to herself all the time.”
“All might not be lost, Doris,” Olivia said with a smile. “Maybe someone else is with her.”
Doris instantly perked up at the suggestion and started forward. “Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go find Few.” She strode confidently down the aisle with her head held high, fully expecting to find the elusive writer.
Olivia and Natalia tried to keep up with their determined friend, truly they did, but an aisle filled with scented candles drew them to the left and out of view as they disappeared into a veritable sea of heady aromas. With Emma away at camp, they'd put a healthy dent in their candle inventory and needed to restock. Ten minutes later, Doris finally found them sampling Target's offerings.
“What are you two doing? You're supposed to be helping me find Fewthistle!”
Olivia reached for a pumpkin scented candle and held it up to Natalia's nose. “Sorry, Doris, we thought Few might stop by the candles and wanted to be here when she did.” The lie flowed ever so smoothly from her lips.
Doris narrowed her eyes and glared at the two lovers. “And did she?” Her hand flitted around in a circle. “Stop by?”
“No,” Natalia admitted honestly, although had the writer been standing right beside her she'd have never known. “We needed a few candles to...”
“Shh!” Olivia cupped her hand over Natalia's mouth and crooked her head to the side. “Did you hear that?”
Doris inched closer, making certain to keep her steps light. “What?” she whispered as she turned an ear in the same direction as Olivia. Faint laughter floated from several aisles over and made its way to the trio.
“That,” Olivia said, a grin slowly taking shape. “I think that's her.”
“Her?” Doris asked hopefully. “ Her , her?” Clarification was essential.
“Yes, her , her,” replied Olivia. “I'm pretty sure that's Fewthistle's laugh. I don't know who the other woman is.”
Doris stepped closer to Olivia. “Are you sure?”
“Yep, she laughs when she reads the snarky parts of her stories.”
Another round of laughter crossed time and space and reached the candle aisle. Natalia frowned.
“That's her?” she asked curiously, having stepped back and out of the reach of Olivia's hand. “How come you didn't say anything earlier?”
Now it was Olivia's turn to frown. “What do you mean?”
“The laughter; I heard it when we were looking at body wash.”
“Really?” Olivia asked in amazement. She'd truly not noticed, but her mind had been rather occupied with distracting thoughts of washing Natalia's back with their soon-to-be purchased scented body wash. A tank could've driven through the front doors, and she wouldn't have flinched.
Doris wasn't at all convinced of Olivia's innocence. “This better not be some kind of ploy to keep me distracted,” she said accusatorily.
“Ploy?” Olivia asked in an equally less than friendly tone. She turned to fully face Doris and squared her shoulders. “And exactly when did I have time to come up with this master plan?”
“Um, Olivia?” Natalia attempted to stop the head-to-head confrontation before it could become heated. She kept one ear tuned to laughter that appeared to be dying out.
Doris chuckled sarcastically. “You don't need time; you never have. The minute you heard I was looking for Fewthistle and why, your devious mind went into overdrive.”
“Um, Doris?” Natalia changed tactics and tried to placate Doris, not a very smart move on her part. “Olivia has no reason to...”
“Bull! She has every reason. She's just afraid that I'll become Few's favorite,” replied Doris, obviously not thinking clearly. Had she been the one who'd resided in the writer's head the past several months, she'd know there was no one who could replace Olivia. Only someone with a brilliant mind and extremely complicated with layers and layers to explore stood a chance. And being attractive wouldn't hurt either.
“Okay, that's it. I'm outta here,” Olivia spouted, turning on her heel to leave. A gentle touch at the crook of her elbow provided her with just the incentive to pause. “Natalia, I'm not going to...” Her words came to an abrupt halt when Natalia leaned in close and whispered in her ear.
“Play nice and we'll try out the candles and the body wash tonight.”
Green eyes instantly darkened and slammed shut as Olivia suppressed a shiver, barely able to reply coherently. “Okay.” She forced herself to open her eyes and look directly at Doris. “Let's just go find Fewthistle.” Tilting her head, she listened intently for the writer's laugh. Silence greeted her. “Or not.”
Doris caught on very quickly. “She's gone?” Her angry expression melted into one of disappointment as she wheeled around and headed for the center aisle. “Where do you think she went?”
“She couldn't have gone too far; she was just a couple of aisles over,” Natalia said, hurrying after Doris. She almost ran into the back of the other woman at the head of a long aisle of...
“Cards, of course; that explains the laughter,” Doris correctly deduced as she stepped in front of a slew of musical greeting cards. Picking up the nearest one, she was blasted with the sound of the Rolling Stones and ‘19th Nervous Breakdown.' She quickly slammed the card closed and looked at its cover where a roughly drawn mouth – opened wide and complete with a violet interior, a deep purple uvula, and a fiery red tongue – stared back at her.
“Nothing funny about that,” she muttered, stuffing it quickly back into its slot.
“So, where do we go from here?” asked Natalia, glancing from side to side and hoping to spy a chuckling blonde. To her left was a mother pushing a basket with a front wheel that kept turning around and around, her two unruly children hanging over the edges of the cart, and to Natalia's right were two women dressed in baggy shorts and loose-fitting tank tops. One of them had bright orange hair and tattoos on every visible surface and the other was blonde and had apparently purchased all the studs, hoops, and bars the jewelry section had to offer to use in her many, many piercings. Definitely not Fewthistle.
“Okay, we checked the beauty area and the candles and cards. Let's head toward the purses and accessories and then we'll go to the media center,” suggested Olivia, having finally caught up to Natalia and Doris. She'd stopped momentarily to snatch up a couple of boxes of Kleenexes that were shaped like lime wedges, figuring Emma would get a kick out of the oddity and, if not, she knew another North Carolina resident – another wonderfully talented writer - who would appreciate the fruity shape. Nothing wrong with a little bribery if a third hot and steamy jeans fic was born from it, right?
Doris just nodded and gestured for Olivia to lead the way. It certainly couldn't hurt. Other than possibly hearing the writer, they'd not found much success with the mayor calling the shots. And who knew, maybe Fewthistle would spot Olivia and come to them.
Passing purse after purse, Olivia continued toward the back of the accessory section and stopped dead in her tracks. There, amidst some sale purses and feather boas of all things, was a selection of fedoras.
“Why are there suddenly so many fedoras around?” she asked aloud, frowning at the different colors and styles. Doris shot forward and immediately began to rifle through the hats, Fewthistle temporarily forgotten.
“You know,” said a woman who'd been sifting through a group of discounted purses. “You're the second person who's asked that question.” She grinned in memory of her response the first time around, so pleased with it that she repeated it to Olivia. “Britney Spears; it's all Britney Spears' fault.”
Doris didn't believe for a second that the singer was responsible for the sudden popularity of fedoras, but she mumbled a quick thanks just in case. The hat was the best lesbian disguise ever. She picked up a camouflage green fedora and checked it for size before heading toward the clerk.
“Will that be all?” the young girl asked, readying to scan the second fedora of her shift. When she'd unboxed and tagged the merchandise, she'd thought the hats would've gone unnoticed by customers. “You just missed out on a black and white one in a herringbone check pattern. It was very cute and only $3.24,” she reported gleefully, recalling how nice it looked on the blonde who'd purchased it. The customer had paid in cash and winked at the clerk before fitting the hat on her head and walking away. She'd strolled right by the woman she'd come into the department with and the other woman hadn't even noticed.
Doris paused and contemplated asking if the previous customer had bought the last of the black and white fedoras but decided her choice was a much better disguise, especially during the late evening hours. She'd blend in perfectly with the darkness. Pulling out her wallet, she plopped down a ten dollar bill. “This one will do nicely.”
“Think we should get one?” asked Natalia, watching Doris make her purchase. The mayor smiled and launched into, what appeared to be, an animated conversation with the young clerk. Doris seemed much perkier.
“What? A hat?” Olivia eyed the selection in front of her. “You want to buy a fedora?”
Natalia wrinkled her nose and shrugged. “Maybe we could start a hat society or something, like those red hat ladies.”
“A fedora hat society?” Olivia chuckled slightly at the thought. She could just imagine the hats Reva and Blake would pick out.
“No, more like a lesbian hat society. I just thought we could support Doris.”
“By wearing her idea of a disguise?” Olivia's voice rose in pitch, but she quickly softened her tone. “Sweetie, we don't need to hide, we're out.”
“Yes, but what if it had the opposite effect? We'll each have a fedora... we're lesbians... so, therefore, Doris must be one, too. Maybe Ashlee will notice and finally figure it out.”
“Who'll figure what out?” Doris asked, shifting her shopping bag to her other hand. She looked pointedly at Natalia as she waited for an answer.
“Fewthistle,” offered Olivia smoothly. “We were just wondering if she'll figure out that we're here looking for her.” She reached out and snagged a bright purple fedora in her left hand and a black one in her right. “So, what color should I get?”
“You're getting a hat?” Doris was taken completely by surprise at Olivia's question.
“We both are,” Natalia announced, searching through several hats for just the right one. She smiled as she lifted a red fedora. “Found mine.” Plopping it on her head, she winked at Olivia. “So?”
“Hmm, purple might clash with yours,” Olivia said, biting down lightly on her lower lip as she stared down at the sedate-looking black one she held. Olivia didn't do sedate very well. “Clash it is.” Tossing the black fedora over her shoulder and directly into Doris's midsection, she slipped the vibrant colored hat onto her head and angled it over one eye.
Natalia laughed at her lover's antics, while Doris returned the black fedora to its rack, grumbling something about how black was a good color, too. None of the women noticed a black and white herringbone check patterned fedora skirt just over the tops of several racks of purses, heading away from the accessory department.
Blue eyes twinkled mischievously behind designer glasses as the hat's owner eased, unnoticed, by a fourth woman – a taller and also bespectacled woman – who was so focused on Olivia's backside and a particularly tight fitting pair of blue jeans that she appeared to be literally coming apart at the seams.
Fewthistle chuckled quietly under her breath and made her way to the other side of the store, secure in the knowledge that the inaugural meeting of the members of the secret society of lesbian hat wearers had been officially called to order. Ducking into the music section of the store, she wished the others luck in finding their President. They were going to need it.